Fucking February


     Would it discourage you to know that we've been collecting these moronic mementos for close to two years? This is just the tip of the iceberg, Leonardo. Get cracking, and then prepare yourself for January, and all the crap from '98 and '97.      No pain, no gain, as Mr. Arnold Schwarzenegger might say, except the odds are, you wouldn't be able to understand that marble-mouthed meathead. Whatever. Carry on.

                        BRONSON INHERITANCE STIRS FIGHT

By BRUCE SCHREINER Associated Press Writer 

02-25-99 09:11 EST

LOUISVILLE, Ky. (AP) -- A star-struck fan has carried her obsession with 
Charles Bronson to the grave.

Audrey Jean Knauer never met or corresponded with the actor, but left him 
her entire estate, worth nearly $300,000. Knauer's sister has contested the 
will, dated April 1996 and scribbled on a typed list of emergency phone 
numbers.

Knauer, who died in 1997 at the age of 55, asked that nothing -- not "blood, 
body parts, financial assets" -- go to her mother, Helen, and whatever 
Bronson didn't want be given to Louisville's public library.

Bronson has already received about half the money, but Knauer's sister, Nancy 
Koeper, filed a lawsuit two months ago, saying Knauer was mentally unfit and 
the money should go the family.

"This is a few really kind of like hysterical lines scribbled, scratched on
top of a phone list," said Koeper, who lives in Chula Vista, Calif. "I can't 
help but sit here and think this could have taken care of me."

Relatives had thought Knauer's assets amounted to about $20,000. A lawyer for 
Koeper, Ed Schoenbaechler, said a handwritten will dated 1977 left everything 
to relatives.

"It's much more authentic," he said. "It was witnessed."

Lori Jonas, a spokeswoman for the 77-year-old Bronson, didn't immediately re-
turn a call Wednesday but told the New York Post that Bronson will give the 
money to charity.

Koeper said her sister was obsessed with Bronson, the macho actor who starred 
in several "Death Wish" movies. "She saw him as this avenging person who was 
generous and kind, kind of a father figure."

Library director Craig Buthod said he hopes Bronson -- who was one of his fa-
vorite actors as a child -- will give the money to the library. It's enough, 
he said, to buy 15,000 to 20,000 books or pay for the children's summer rea-
ding program for several years.

Koeper said the library's only connection to her sister was that she fre-
quently went there, often to find out information about Bronson.

"I can't imagine a public library wanting to keep me -- her sister -- who's 
in need of the money, from having it," she said.

If given the chance, Koeper said she would appeal to Bronson: "You didn't 
know her, you didn't love her. I did."
_________________________________________________________

                 BROUHAHA ERUPTS OVER ANIMAL-SEX BEER AD

 5.00 p.m. ET (2201 GMT) February 19, 1999

 By Chelsea J. Carter, Associated Press

 NEW YORK (AP) — Beer ads featuring animals having sex were
 ordered removed from Harlem stores by the brewer after community
 leaders complained that such crude humor would never be attempted
 on, say, Park Avenue. 

 "They have no regard for the values and sensitivity for our
 community," City Councilman Bill Perkins said Friday. "I called the
 advertising people and they said, `It's a satire. It's a joke."' 

 He added: "It's not funny." 

 The poster for Steel Reserve High Gravity Lager, a malt liquor, was
 hung in store windows and pasted on buildings in Harlem. It features
 rhinos and giant turtles mating. The caption: "Research Says Sex Sells
 Beer." 

 Community leaders called for a boycott of the beer even though more
 than 30 stores in Harlem had removed the advertisement by Friday
 afternoon. 

 The Steel Brewing Co. of San Francisco said that it told its New York
 distributors to remove the posters but that the campaign would
 continue elsewhere. The ads also appear in New Jersey, Maryland and
 the Midwest and West. 

 In a statement, the beer company said that it did not mean to offend
 and that the ads "are posted everywhere the beer is sold." 

 But community leaders said the ads were targeted at blacks. They said
 the company apparently believed blacks would find the posters funny. 

 "You don't see this in store windows on Park Avenue or in the
 community of Scarsdale," said the Rev. Calvin Butts. "You see them in
 poor neighborhoods." 

 Butts called on people to tear down or paint over any posters or
 billboards that feature the ad. 

 "We will run the risk of civil disobedience," he said. "At a time when
 you have AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases, you don't want sex
 or the abuse of drugs — like alcohol — advertised in a community."
_________________________________________________________

                        POLICE: DOCTOR MUMMIFIED BODIES

MOSCOW (AP) 02-19-99 12:36 EST -- A Kazak doctor has been charged with murder 
after police found the mummified bodies of four of the woman's relatives in 
her apartment, a news report said Friday.

The bodies were discovered after a police officer on a routine inspection no-
ticed a strange smell and went to examine the apartment, the ITAR-Tass news 
agency reported.

One of the mummies was lying in a cardboard box, and three more were seated 
against a wall, the report said.

The owner of the apartment, a doctor by training whose name was not provided, 
told police that she didn't have the money to bury her mother and three sis-
ters who died of an unspecified disease last summer -- so instead she used 
her medical knowledge to mummify the bodies.

Doctors in Kazakstan, a former Soviet republic in Central Asia, are usually 
state employees and get meager salaries.

But police have accused the woman of murder, and plan to conduct a forensic 
examination to determine the cause of death, the report said.

Neighbors said they had been noticing an unusual smell but thought it was 
coming from a local meat factory, ITAR-Tass added.
_________________________________________________________

        12-YEAR-OLD SERVING IN-SCHOOL SUSPENSION FOR FAILING TO SHAVE

 4.13 a.m. ET (914 GMT) February 13, 1999

 MIDLAND, Texas (AP) — As Principal Scott Skidmore understands school
 district policy, all students must be clean-shaven, even if the student 
 is just 12 years old and even if his mustache looks more like peach fuzz
 to some observers.

 Skidmore, head of the James Brooks Middle School, ordered Stanley Diaz Jr.
 to shave or face indefinite suspension. 

 Stanley Diaz Sr. says the punishment is ridiculous. 

 "That's my decision, that's not the school's decision," the elder Diaz
 said. "Why they're picking this age and this grade to do this is beyond
 my understanding. I'm not going to back down because they're in the wrong." 

 Stanley has been serving in-school suspension, isolated from other students,
 while his father mulls legal action. 

 "What else can I do?" the father said. "I'm going to hold someone respon-
 sible for his suffering." 

 The dispute started Feb. 1, when Skidmore pulled Stanley and five other
 students out of class and told them about the facial-hair policy. The other
 students decided to shave. 

 "I'm required in my position to follow district policy," Skidmore said.
 "I'm just following district policy that all students be clean-shaven." 

 Stanley's father said the underlying problem might be cultural. 

 "The tradition of Hispanics is that 15 is the age of maturity," Diaz said.
 "Shaving is a very big responsibility. You're going to have to do it the
 rest of your life." 

 Joe Armesto, a member of Permian Basin League of United Latin American
 Citizens, said the group also plans to challenge the facial-hair policy as
 vague. 

 "I've seen Stanley Diaz Jr. myself. It's my opinion he has peach fuzz at
 best," Armesto said. "It's hard for me to believe that (the district) has
 such good schools and cannot work with parents to amend this policy to a
 certain age, say 16 or older." 

 There currently is no age limit on the policy, and Greenwood Independent
 School District officials say there are no plans to change the rule.
_________________________________________________________

                   MAN ON RESPIRATOR DIES WHEN POWER SHUT OFF

Friday February 12 10:08 AM ET 

PARIS (Reuters) - An elderly Frenchman who could only breathe with the help of 
a respirator died when the electric company cut off power to his home after he 
failed to pay his bills, the company acknowledged Friday.

The local electricity firm in the southeastern town of Nice said Friday it had 
been totally unaware of the man's precarious health when it cut off power after 
the non-payment of $200.

"Everyone here is shocked, this runs totally against the grain of what we try 
to do in such cases," said Philippe Lenoir, director at Electricite de France 
in Nice.
_________________________________________________________

               WOMAN FOUND DEAD IN BATH -- AFTER THREE YEARS

Friday February 12 10:06 AM ET 

MADRID (Reuters) - The corpse of a Spanish woman lay undiscovered in her 
bathtub for up to three years because relatives, annoyed when she missed 
the funerals of two brothers who died after she did, had stopped visiting 
her.

The body of the 71-year-old retired nurse was found in her Madrid apartment 
after neighbors finally persuaded a family member to visit.

Police said she died at least 18 months ago and possibly as long ago as 
early 1996 but that an autopsy was expected to give a more exact date.

Neighbors last saw the woman in January 1996 when some friends helped her 
home after she fainted in the street. When she went unseen for months, they 
twice called police to her flat, but officers simply knocked on the door and 
left.

Family members did not visit her because they were annoyed she had failed to 
attend the funerals of two of her brothers who died after she did, the 
Spanish daily El Pais reported.

Eventually the woman's downstairs neighbor traced another brother to San 
Sebastian in northern Spain and convinced him to come and force open the 
door.
_________________________________________________________

               PIANO OUT, MANICURE IN AT KOSOVO PEACE TALKS

Friday February 12 10:06 AM ET 

RAMBOUILLET, France (Reuters) - A bid by Serbian delegates to bring a 
harmonious note to tense Kosovo peace talks by having a piano installed 
at the negotiating center has been rejected, a diplomat said Friday.

"It was a bit too complicated to organize," he said, declining to be 
named.

However, a request for a haircut and manicure for the Serbians' only 
woman representative at the talks, Guljbehar Sabovic, was granted.

"That was easier to fix," the diplomat said.

At 1995 Bosnian peace talks in Dayton, Ohio, Serbian delegates led by 
Yugoslav President Slobodan Milosevic famously held sessions around the 
piano singing American pop songs.

Delegates at the Kosovo talks have been cloistered in a 14th century 
chateau near Paris for almost a week now and are expected to remain in 
residence until an accord is reached.
_________________________________________________________

         FAMILY, ACCUSED OF SORCERY, BURNED ALIVE IN SOUTHERN INDIA

 9.14 a.m. ET (1414 GMT) February 12, 1999

 HYDERABAD, India (AP) — A man suspected of being a sorcerer was burned
 alive along with four of his family members today in a remote area in
 southern India, police said. 

 About 20 residents of Dharmaram village stormed the house of Sangampedda
 Pochiah in Andhra Pradesh state and doused him and his wife, mother and
 two young sons with kerosene. 

 The mob then locked them up and splashed fuel on the walls and doors and
 set the house on fire, killing the entire family, police said in Hyderabad,
 the state capital. 

 The incident occurred in Nizamabad district, 100 miles north of Hyderabad. 

 Police rounded up some residents of the village but no arrests have been
 made so far. Police said the local residents alleged that Pochiah was a
 sorcerer and they blamed him for their financial and health problems. 

 Details of the incident were sketchy because the area is a hilly forest
 with poor roads and no telephone connections.
_________________________________________________________

                  TALK SHOW CONFESSION LEADS TO WOMAN'S ARREST

Thursday February 11 4:53 PM ET 

ORLANDO, Fla. (Reuters) - Vernon Smith was supposed to be the bad guy when he 
appeared with his ex-girlfriend on a television talk show entitled, "Today I 
Demand to Know Why You Dumped Me."

But ex-girlfriend Carla Nini Hooper ended up as the real criminal, according 
to police.

Before the appearance on the Ricki Lake Show, which aired on Jan. 5, Smith, 28, 
had accused Hooper, 25, of vandalizing his apartment and car in December as 
revenge because she believed he was seeing another woman.

Smith had gone to the police -- both he and Hooper live in Orlando -- but Hooper 
had denied the charges, and police had lacked evidence to prosecute, Deputy 
Robert Larson of the Orange County Sheriff's Department said Thursday.

But under the bright lights of Lake's cameras, Hooper described with glee how 
she punctured Smith's waterbed and smashed his mirrors, then smashed his car's 
headlights and poured sugar into his gas tank -- providing Smith and, later, the 
police with a de facto videotaped confession.

"She's out there just confessing left and right," Larson said.

Police used a tape of the show as grounds to arrest Hooper on Feb. 2 and charge 
her with felony criminal mischief. If guilty, she could be sentenced to up to 
five years in prison.

Larson said he was not aware of any similar cases involving television talk 
shows. "This is highly unusual. For someone to go on national TV and confess to 
a crime here, it is not of the norm," he said.
_________________________________________________________

  REPORTS: YELTSIN'S PLANE DAMAGED ITALIAN PRIME MINISTER'S AIRCRAFT

8.03 a.m. ET (1304 GMT) February 10, 1999

MOSCOW (AP) — A plane carrying President Boris Yeltsin home from King
Hussein's funeral in Jordan hit the aircraft of Italy's visiting prime
minister after landing in Moscow, Russian newspapers reported today. 

No one was hurt but the aircraft of Italian Prime Minister Massimo
D'Alema was damaged, the Kommersant and Moskovsky Komosmolets dailies
reported. Yeltsin and his staff didn't feel the bump and only learned of
the accident later, the reports said. 

The presidential press center would not comment. 

The collision Monday occurred at Vnukovo-2, an airport used exclusively
for official flights, Kommersant said. 

The presidential Il-96 airliner struck D'Alema's DC-9 with its wingtip
while it taxied on the runway. 

The DC-9's tail and part of its fuselage were mangled, and Italian
officials sent another plane to pick up D'Alema, who flew home Tuesday
night after a two-day visit. 

The damage to Yeltsin's plane was insignificant, the Interfax news
agency said.
_________________________________________________________

                       FALWELL CALLS 'TELETUBBY' GAY 

By David Reed, Associated Press Writer

Tuesday, February 9, 1999; 9:11 p.m. EST

ROANOKE, Va. (AP) -- The Rev. Jerry Falwell is trying to out Tinky
Winky, suggesting that the purple, purse-toting character on
television's popular "Teletubbies" children's show is gay. 

A spokesman for Itsy Bitsy Entertainment Co., which licenses the
Teletubbies in the United States, said the purse is actually Tinky
Winky's magic bag. 

"The fact that he carries a magic bag doesn't make him gay," Steve
Rice said. "It's a children's show, folks. To think we would be putting
sexual innuendo in a children's show is kind of outlandish." 

The February edition of the National Liberty Journal, edited and
published by Falwell, contains an article warning parents that the
rotund Teletubby with the triangular antenna may be a gay role model. 

To support its claim, the publication says Tinky Winky has the voice of
a boy but carries a purse. "He is purple -- the gay-pride color; and
his antenna is shaped like a triangle -- the gay-pride symbol." 

Falwell contends the "subtle depictions" are intentional and issued a
statement Tuesday that said, "As a Christian I feel that role modeling
the gay lifestyle is damaging to the moral lives of children." 

The British show aimed at toddlers began airing on U.S. public
television stations last spring. The Teletubbies are portrayed by actors
in oversized, brightly colored costumes. They all have television
screens on their tummies. 

Rice said Falwell was attacking "something sweet and innocent" to
further his conservative political agenda. 

Falwell's spokeswoman, Laura Swickard, said the founder of the now-
defunct Moral Majority agreed with everything that was in the NLJ
article and would not comment beyond his one-paragraph statement.
_________________________________________________________

                       FALWELL REGRETS ANTICHRIST REMARK

Wednesday, February 3, 1999; 1:37 a.m. EST

NASHVILLE, Tenn. (AP) -- The Rev. Jerry Falwell apologized Tuesday for saying 
last month that the Antichrist is a Jewish man who probably is alive today.

During an unscheduled appearance at the 18th International Christian Prayer 
Breakfast, Falwell said he "should have known better."

"I apologize to my Jewish friends here and around the world and I apologize to 
the Christians here for having created any kind of rift," Falwell said.

The breakfast was billed as a prayer for peace in Jerusalem and honored several
Holocaust survivors.

"I apologize not for what I believe, but for my lack of tact and judgment in 
making a statement that served no purpose whatsoever," Falwell said.

According to the Bible, the Antichrist will spread universal evil before the 
end of the world but will be finally conquered at the second coming of Christ.

On Jan. 14, Falwell told a conference on evangelism that he believes the Second 
Coming probably will occur within 10 years.

As for the Antichrist, "if he's going to be the counterfeit of Christ, he has to 
be Jewish," Falwell said. "The only thing we know is he must be male and Jewish."

Falwell is the chancellor of Liberty University in Lynchburg, Va., and founder 
of the now-defunct Moral Majority.
_________________________________________________________

                       TEACHER FINDS FROG IN SCHOOL LUNCH

Monday February 1 10:28 AM ET 

HOUSTON (Reuters) - So you think just plain broccoli's bad?

A Houston teacher found a dead frog among the serving of healthful greens she got 
with her school lunch, officials said Friday.

Melody Vizi, a teacher at the Bonner Elementary School in Southeast Houston, made 
the discovery at lunch Wednesday, a Houston Independent School District (HISD) 
spokeswoman said.

At first Vizi was unsure what the strange object on her lunch tray was, but after 
consulting colleagues, her suspicions were confirmed and it was identified as the 
remains of a frog.

Aramark Corp., which provides food management services to the 270 HISD schools, 
said every effort was being made to find out what had gone wrong and prevent it 
happening again.

"It's a serious issue and we are taking it very seriously," said Ray Danilowicz, 
a manager with Philadelphia-based Aramark.

Danilowicz discussed the incident with concerned parents Thursday and said that 
among other measures, the broccoli served Wednesday had been sent to a laboratory 
for analysis.

The frog seemed to have gotten among the broccoli when it was being processed and 
packaged, he said.

Houston is home to former president and avowed broccoli-hater George Bush.


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