Another Millennium, Another Parade Of Morons


     You may not realize what it is you're getting yourself into. Well, we're sure as hell not going to tell you.       Just know that after you get done here, you've still got to wade through '99, '98 and '97. Put your boots on, Norton.

                 BISTRO APOLOGIZES OVER HOLOCAUST IMAGERY

 Friday January 21 11:09 AM ET 

 TAIPEI (Reuters) - A Taiwan bistro with a Nazi death camp theme has 
 apologized and removed pictures of Holocaust victims and other decorations
 that had upset Jewish groups.

 The trendy eatery called Jail features austere booths with bars, wood planks
 and chains and is a hit with young Taipei diners.

 But Jewish groups have complained about the use of Holocaust imagery in-
 cluding pictures of gaunt prisoners in Nazi concentration camps and toilets
 labeled "gas chamber".

 Restaurant manager Stone Cheng apologized Thursday and said the offensive
 images had all been removed. But he said the jail theme, borrowed from Britain
 and Japan, was popular and would stay.

 "Once I learnt that people had taken offence, I came to understand their feelings
 and quickly took everything down," said Cheng.

 "All we wanted to do was create a jail-themed restaurant -- something no one
 else in Taiwan had done," Cheng said. "We never meant to hurt people's feelings.
 Our intentions were good."
_________________________________________________________

                   MAN CHARGED WITH CRUMBLING FOOD

Friday January 21 8:22 AM ET

YARDLEY, Pa. (AP) -- The Charmin was unscathed, but not the
cookies and bread. Managers at three supermarkets said they kept
finding shelves of crumbled cookies and smashed loaves.

"It was mutilated. You could actually see there was a hand there,"
said Lou DeFranceseo, general manager of McCaffrey's market,
where the culprit struck dozens of times.

Now they may have found their masher -- a man charged this week
with disorderly conduct and criminal mischief for allegedly putting the
squeeze on $8,000 worth of baked goods over three years.

A cookie company finally installed a hidden camera trained on the
cookie aisle at a Giant supermarket. And that, police said, led to the
arrest of Samuel Feldman, 37.

Defense attorney Ellis Klein denied his client damaged any baked
goods, saying Feldman's presence near a shelf of mashed food was
purely circumstantial. As for squeezing the bread, Klein said,
everyone does it.

"I squeeze bread when I go to the store, but I don't get arrested for
it," he said.

Feldman was arraigned Wednesday and freed on $10,000 bail.
_________________________________________________________

              PAPER: DOC CARVES INITIALS IN WOMAN

01-21-00 06:28 EST

NEW YORK (AP) -- A woman has filed a $5.5 million lawsuit
against a doctor who carved his initials -- "A" and "Z" -- into her
stomach after delivering her baby girl by Caesarean section.

Dr. Allan Zarkin used a scalpel to carve the 3-by-1 1/2-inch letters
into the skin of Liana Gedz on Sept. 7, according to lawyers on both
sides of the case. The baby was healthy.

"I feel like a branded animal," Gedz, 31, told the Daily News. "I feel
like I was raped, like I was violated.

She said she will need extensive plastic surgery to remove the marks.

Barry Fallick, Zarkin's lawyer, said the doctor admits carving the
letters as a sedated Gedz was recovering. Fallick says the doctor
blames a "frontal lobe disorder" affecting his personality and behavior
that was diagnosed after the incident.

Zarkin, 61, agreed to suspend his medical practice two weeks ago
after state health authorities launched a probe, the newspaper
reported, citing an unidentified Health Department spokeswoman.

Beth Israel Medical Center, where the delivery was performed, has
suspended Zarkin's right to practice there. The hospital is also named
in the lawsuit.

City prosecutors are also investigating, the News said.
_________________________________________________________

                   SOCIAL WORKERS HELPED MONKEY, NOT CHILD

 Thursday January 20 1:10 PM ET 

 EDINBURGH (Reuters) - A Scottish judge rebuked social workers for rescuing
 a monkey from a couple addicted to heroin but failing to notice a 5-year-old girl
 living with them in squalor, court officials said on Thursday.

 Social workers eventually discovered the girl, whose fingernails had not been cut
 for more than a year, covered in bed sores, lying in her own filth and wearing a
 plaster cast on her broken leg that should have been removed 10 months earlier.

 On an earlier visit, state welfare workers had contacted an animal welfare group
 about a pet monkey being kept in the flat.

 Social workers visited the couple's house 18 times but said they were allowed
 inside only four times.

 A Glasgow court judge criticized them for failing to notice the plight of the
 girl. "To say the least, I am very surprised the girl's predicament did not come
 to light," he said.

 When doctors finally removed the cast from the girl, whose leg has been perma-
 nently scarred, they found spoons, a fork, and a pen she had used to try to scratch
 her ulcers.

 The couple who had lived in the flat were sentenced to five years in jail. The 
 judge said they were guilty of a "revolting" crime.
_________________________________________________________

             MYSTERY ICEBALLS CLAIM 'FIRST VICTIM' IN SPAIN

 Thursday January 20 1:09 PM ET 

 MADRID (Reuters) - An elderly Spanish woman has claimed she was hit by 
 a falling iceball, apparently the first victim of a phenomenon that has been
 puzzling scientists for days, state radio said Thursday.

 Juana Sanchez Sanchez, 70, said she was knocked out briefly by a large,
 flying, frozen object that hit her on the shoulder as she walked in a street
 near her home in Almeria, southern Spain, the radio said.

 A man in Seville escaped injury last week when a four-kilo (nine-pound) iceball
 slammed into his car.

 Scientists are examining a dozen specimens to establish their origin amid
 speculation they could be frozen human excrement jettisoned by high-flying
 aircraft or debris from comets, an explanation which some space experts have
 ruled out.

 A Spanish newspaper said Thursday at least three of the mystery, football-sized
 objects were fakes -- two turned out to be made of salt and another came from a
 restaurant freezer.
_________________________________________________________


                    MAN DIES RESCUING TREED CAT

January 20, 2000 11:41 AM EST

TAMPA, Fla. (AP) -- A man died after falling 40 feet from a
tree while trying to rescue a neighbor's cat.

Lonnie Napier, 48, had been in critical condition since he
fell Jan. 9 and suffered head injuries, punctured lungs and
several broken bones. His family requested that life support
be removed, and he died Wednesday.

Napier had tried to retrieve a black cat named Grogger after
various agencies refused to help. The cat's owner, Angela
Thomas, was told that the animal would come down when
it got hungry. But neighbors got tired of the cat's cries and
feared for its life.

Napier, a former Marine and father of four, scaled a 32-foot
ladder, then climbed 10 feet farther into the tree. Just as he
reached Grogger, branches broke and he fell to the ground
without the cat.

Grogger was rescued by a private company two days later.
_________________________________________________________

          RUSSIA COMPLAINS OVER CANADIAN NEWSPAPER'S INSULT

 By David Ljunggren

 Wednesday January 19 9:59 AM ET 

 OTTAWA (Reuters) - Canada said Tuesday that Russian diplomats had 
 complained twice about a Canadian newspaper editorial which branded Russia
 a filthy and corrupt "lump of dung" where nothing good would ever happen.

 "Russian officials raised the article with their Canadian counterparts in
 Moscow and Ottawa to register their regret over the piece," said foreign
 ministry spokeswoman Valerie Noftle.

 Although she stressed that Moscow had not formally protested about the
 Ottawa Citizen article earlier this month, Russian diplomats in Ottawa did
 little to hide their outrage.

 They said Russian Ambassador Vitaly Churkin, who wrote to the daily newspaper
 to say the piece reminded him of Nazi propaganda, had himself contacted
 officials at the Canadian foreign ministry.

 "They agreed it was insulting. We hope there will be more respect for Russia
 in future and that such incidents will not be repeated," a Russian diplomat
 told Reuters.

 In the offending article, editorial writer John Robson said there was no
 chance that Russia's new acting president Vladimir Putin would ever turn
 Russia into a normal state.

 "Normal for Russia is filthy, corrupt, menacing and hollow. Nothing good has
 happened there, nor will it. Russia is a lump of dung wrapped in a cabbage
 leaf hidden in an outhouse," he wrote, before detailing low points of Russian
 and Soviet history.

 "Russia is doomed by history and culture. It stinks, literally and figuratively,
 and always has. People there have no manners...The bottom line is: Russia has
 sucked, sucks and will suck," he wrote.

 The article prompted a flood of angry letters, something Noftle said had been
 raised with the Russians.

 "Canadian officials pointed out that the strong response among the Canadian
 public in the form of letters to the editor indicated the original article
 should not be considered as mainstream opinion in Canada," she said.

 Churkin said in a letter to the newspaper that never in his 25 years in the
 diplomatic service had he seen an article "so clearly below even the lowest
 standards of civility."

 He added: "This malicious display of Russophobia is reminiscent of Nazi
 propaganda. Fanning ethnic or national hatred has since been universally
 recognized as a most degrading pursuit."

 Officials at the Ottawa Citizen were not available for comment.
_________________________________________________________

                  INJURED MAN CAN'T BANK ON HOSPITAL

 Tuesday January 18 10:10 AM ET 

 NAIROBI, Kenya (Reuters) - A businessman was carried into a bank on a 
 stretcher to withdraw cash after a hospital refused to treat him because he
 could not pay his bill, newspapers reported.

 The East African Standard said Wilson Owuor had been badly beaten by
 thugs and taken for treatment by friends, but the hospital refused to admit
 him because he carried no money.

 Undaunted, his friends loaded him onto a stretcher and carried him to the
 Kenya Commercial Bank Branch at Siaya, north of the capital Nairobi, so
 that he could withdraw money.

 The paper said the sight of four men carrying a stretcher into the bank
 caused a security scare and paralyzed bank business. Unfortunately Owuor
 had also forgotten to bring his bank card in his rush to seek treatment so
 the bank would not release any money, the newspaper said.

 Kenyan hospitals and clinics frequently demand payment in advance for
 medical treatment.
_________________________________________________________

                           COMET DEBRIS FALLS ON SPAIN

12:06 PM ET January 17, 2000

MADRID (Reuters) - At least 10 melon-sized ice balls that have slammed
into Spain in the last week are probably debris from comets, not human
excrement as first suspected, a Spanish scientist said Monday.

Enrique Martinez, head of a team at the Higher Council of Scientific
Investigation studying the phenomenon, said it was first thought that
the ice balls were human excrement ejected from high-flying aircraft.

"But they lack the typical coloring and texture we find in those cases,"
he said.

A man in southern Spain escaped injury last week when an eight-inch ice
ball weighing nine pounds smashed into his car.
_________________________________________________________

             AMBULANCE DELAYED BY DEMAND FOR TUNNEL TOLL

 By Emma Feeny

 Monday January 17 8:00 AM ET 

 LONDON (Reuters) - An ambulance speeding a woman to hospital was held up
 for fifteen minutes at a tunnel in Merseyside because the staff was made to
 pay the toll, Lancashire Ambulance Service said Monday.

 The ambulance, which was taking a 74-year-old woman with severe respiratory
 problems to the Countess of Chester Hospital in Chester, was delayed when a
 tunnel attendant demanded the 1.20 pounds fee for the tunnel under the Mersey
 river.

 Paramedics explained there was a sick patient on board, but the tunnel atten-
 dant and supervisor refused to allow the ambulance through without payment,
 suggesting it would have to find an alternative route, the ambulance service
 said.

 Fortunately the nurse accompanying the patient had some money with her and
 paid the toll.

 "I would have hoped that in such circumstances reason would prevail in the best
 interests of the patient," said David Hill, chief executive of Lancashire
 Ambulance Service.

 "The ambulance was clearly marked and identifiable, the crew were in uniform
 and the paramedic explained that there was a very sick patient on board,
 accompanied by a nurse and a doctor."

 But John Gillard, general manager at Merseytunnels, which operates the two
 tunnels connecting Liverpool with the Wirral peninsular, told Reuters there
 had been no indication that the vehicle had been in a hurry.

 "It was clear the ambulance was not on an emergency," he said. "There was no
 advance warning, nor was the vehicle using a blue light."

 The emergency services usually let the tunnel operator know when a vehicle
 is on its way so that a lane can be cleared and an escort provided, Gillard
 said.

 "Even if there was no advance notice, any vehicle with a blue light would get
 priority treatment," he said.

 Most ambulances are also fitted with "fast tag" automatic electric toll payment
 systems, Merseytunnels said, which mean they don't have to stop at the barriers.

 Merseytunnels, which is part of Merseytravel, has launched an investigation
 into what went wrong on this occasion. The circumstances surrounding the inci-
 dent, which occurred on January 13, were still being clarified, it said.

 The condition of the patient involved did not deteriorate during the ambulance
 journey as a result of the delay, Lancashire Ambulance Service said.

 She is now making extremely good progress, according to a spokeswoman for
 the Countess of Chester Hospital.
_________________________________________________________

                    RICHARD LEWIS DERIDES 'DRUNK' JOKE

January 16, 2000 10:05 AM EST

COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) -- Ohio State University's athletics commu-
nications director has resigned after the school referred to comedian 
Richard Lewis as a drunk in two basketball media guides.

The guides were produced under the supervision of Gerry Emig, whose 
resignation was announced Wednesday.

"This was an unfortunate mistake which occurred under my supervision," 
Emig said in an apology to Lewis and the school, which has already 
issued its own apology.

Lewis, 52, is listed on a page in the 1999-2000 men's and women's
basketball media guides with other famous alumni and a brief descrip-
tion of their accomplishments.

Under Lewis' name are the words "actor, writer, comedian, drunk."
Geiger has apologized and promised to investigate.

"Richard Lewis is deeply disturbed over this apparently cruel joke,
especially in light of his long and distinguished relationship with Ohio
State University," said a statement released by his publicist.

Lewis, an actor and comedian who graduated from Ohio State in 1969, 
has appeared in several public service spots addressing the problem 
of binge drinking on campuses, according to the statement.
_________________________________________________________

               MONKS SUFFER IN SILENCE AS DRUNK PARTIES ON

 Friday January 14 10:30 AM ET 

 LONDON (Reuters) - When a visitor to their island community got drunk 
 and kept them awake all night with his singing, the monks of Caldey Island
 couldn't tell him to shut up -- because of their vow of silence.

 Unemployed Ray John, 58, had intended to spend an alcohol-free Christmas
 with 19 Cistercian monks at their sanctuary off the coast of west Wales.

 But he could not resist smuggling in his own supply of alcohol and, having
 enjoyed a festive drink or two, started a solo midnight performance of his
 favorite Christmas carols.

 Abbot Father Daniel Van Santvoort said on Thursday: "He was up all night
 making a terrible racket. We observe a vow of silence but it wasn't a very
 silent night -- even if it was Christmas.

 "We couldn't tell him to hush so I'm afraid some of us had very little peace
 that night. All we could do was lie in our beds and cover our ears."

 The Roman Catholic monks observe a strict rule of silence for 12 hours
 every night.

 John was asked to leave the island the next day but he continued his binge
 on the mainland where police found him collapsed on a railway line.

 Magistrates fined him 50 pounds ($80) for being drunk and disorderly.
_________________________________________________________

                          70-YEAR-OLD IN PLASTIC GUN HOLD-UP

 Friday January 14 10:29 AM ET 

 LONDON (Reuters) - British police say they had arrested a 70-year-old man 
 after he walked into a school in Northamptonshire in central England and held
 up the deputy headmaster with a plastic gun.

 Northamptonshire police said Thursday they sent armed officers to the scene
 after the man forced his hostage to call the police -- but no children were
 involved at any stage and police said they had not yet established a motive
 for the man's act.

 "A 70-year-old man was arrested this afternoon after he went into Huxlow
 School (near Wellingborough) and asked to see the head teacher with a firearm.
 The firearm was not real and no children were involved," a police spokes-
 woman said.
_________________________________________________________

                              GRANNY TRAPPED IN CAR WASH

 Friday January 14 10:26 AM ET 

 POOLE, England (Reuters) - A panic-stricken grandmother was rushed to a 
 hospital suffering from a suspected heart attack after getting trapped in a
 supermarket car wash for 20 minutes.

 Doreen Ward feared for her life when the washer's automatic rollers pinned
 the doors of her car shut and no one could hear her screams for help.

 "I thought I was going to die," said Ward, 60, Friday. "The rollers came
 down but wouldn't go back up again. I was panicking because the car wash is
 enclosed and nobody could see in. It felt like the end of the world."

 She started having chest pains and put her hand on the car horn while trying
 to ring her daughter on her mobile phone.

 "It was 20 minutes before people eventually came and rescued me. It was ter-
 rifying."

 A spokesman for the supermarket said: "Unfortunately a landscape gardener
 using a lawnmower had drowned out the sound of the car horn."
_________________________________________________________

       NURSERY RHYME LEAVES SCHOOL FEELING SHEEPISH

 Thursday January 13 11:10 AM ET 

 LONDON (Reuters) - Baa Baa Black Sheep, have you any wool? No sir, 
 it's racist, not in school.

 In the age of political correctness, even the nursery-rhyme it seems is 
 unsafe after a school in Birmingham was told to stop teaching the song 
'Baa Baa Black Sheep' because "of racial undertones".

 Birmingham city council issued the advice guidelines drawn up by an inde-
 pendent schools advisory body claiming "the history of the rhyme is very
 negative and also very offensive to black people due to fact it originates
 from slavery", but said on Thursday it had now withdrawn them.

 But the independent Working Group on Racism in Children's Resources
 stuck to its guns.

 "Whenever the word black is attached to another word it creates a negative
 meaning which can make children feel embarrassed and confused about
 their identity," said a group spokesman.

 According to the Oxford Dictionary of Nursery Rhymes, the offending song
 is believed to have been written in protest at a wool tax imposed in 1275.
_________________________________________________________

                   AP CORRECTS PERSONAL SIDE STORY

By The Associated Press

January 12, 2000 12:18 AM EST

In a Jan. 10 story about the presidential candidates and their first
cars, The Associated Press misspelled the name of Pat Buchanan's
first car.

It was the DKW Das Kleine Wunder.
_________________________________________________________

            OH BARNEY! NUDE IMAGE IN SING-ALONG
                BOOK PROMPTS PUBLISHER APOLOGY

January 7, 2000 12:26 PM EST (1726 GMT) 

SPRINGFIELD, Massachusetts (AP) -- A sing-along book about
Barney the purple dinosaur caused some red faces after someone 
found an illustration of a bare-breasted woman inside. 

Michelle Capdeville said her young sons spotted the illustration 
in "Barney's Sing-Along Songs," distributed by Avon and based on 
the children's show, "Barney and Friends," featuring the singing 
dinosaur. 

A few hundred defective books were distributed to Avon, the sole
seller, said Renee Harring of Publications International Ltd., the 
book's publisher. 

Avon apologized to consumers Wednesday, and the company also
has agreed to give refunds or replacement books, said Debbie
Coffey of Avon. 

The problem happened during the book's printing in China, Harring 
said. The printer used scrap paper from a roll of leftover stock 
used to line an astrology romance guide. 

The picture depicts a woman draped in a scarf with one breast
exposed as she strokes the head of a man who appears to be lying
down. Although the writing on the image is in Norwegian, the
words "aphrodisiac" and "exotic literature" are recognizable,
Capdeville said. 

"My boys came running into my room screaming, 'Oh, Mommy,
look at this,"' she said. "I'm upset that it's in a child's book."
_________________________________________________________

             COPS: MAN SWALLOWED 55 CRACK PIPES

January 4, 2000 10:08 AM EST

BRUNSWICK, Ga. (AP) -- A Florida man who swallowed 55 small
glass pipes used to smoke cocaine was recovering after surgeons
removed the paraphernalia from his stomach, police said.

"At first, I thought it was vials of powder cocaine. Then I realized it
was crack pipes, and when I saw how many there were, I really
couldn't believe it," Brunswick police investigator Alison Drawdy said
Friday.

No charges were immediately filed against the 35-year-old
Jacksonville man, who went to an emergency room Tuesday
complaining of severe abdominal cramps, heartburn and indigestion.

He apparently swallowed the pipes while high on crack and did not
realize what he was doing, Ms. Drawdy said. The glass tubes ranged
up to 4 1/2-inches long and a quarter-inch in diameter.

"He said that he had ingested them over a couple months, and that
it's been three months since he ate the last one," Ms. Drawdy said.

Information about the man's condition was not released by Southeast
Georgia Regional Medical Center.


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