Obits & Pieces

Jeanne Calment 1875-1997
Jeanne Calment
1875-1997

     Once again, we're digging deep to come up with the features that you, the buying public, want most. You having trouble remembering who kicked in the last couple of years? It happens. Well, at the risk of being compared to People magazine, we offer this brief list of the big stars who've bowed out in the last few years.      No, it's not complete, not by a long shot. You can't beat the price, though. Plus, they're listed in order of departure, for your researching pleasure. Just use these semi-magic buttons ('95, '96, '97, '98, '99, '00, '01, '02, '03, '04, '05, '06, '07) to jump down to a particular year, and have fun.
 
    -1995-

  • Peter Cook (01/09)
    If you've never seen the original Bedazzled, shut off this stupid computer and get to the video store immediately.

  • Rose Kennedy (01/22)
    The Mother of All Politicians, she was poppin' 'em out like larvae for decades. She had to, apparently, to keep up with the mortality rate.

  • George Abbott (01/31)
    He wrote All Quiet On The Western Front. Indeed.

  • Donald Pleasence (02/02)
    Donald's a dead duck.

  • J. William Fulbright (02/09)
    His is the face that inspired the expression, "gives me the Willies."

  • Ed Flanders (02/22)
    He's no saint, but he's definitely elsewhere.

  • James Herriot (02/23)
    All creatures, great and small, eventually bite the dust.

  • Ian Ballantine (03/09)
    Now available only in hardcover.

  • Burl Ives (04/14)
    He didn't even care if Jimmy cracked corn, so fuck him.

  • Howard Cosell (04/23)
    Does it bother you as much as it does us that this is the guy who told half the nation that John Lennon had been shot?

  • Ginger Rogers (04/25)
    Dancing with Mr. D.

  • Art Fleming (04/25)
    We'll take Dead Game Show Hosts for a hundred, Alex.

  • Elisha Cook, Jr. (05/18)
    He was in The Big Sleep.
    Get it?

  • Harold Wilson (05/25)
    Ha-ha, Mr. Wilson.

  • Friz Freleng (05/25)
    They say he was the inspiration for Yosemite Sam, which, if you think about it, is pretty scary.

  • Glenn Burke (05/30)
    A relatively obscure baseball player who should have been more famous, if only for inventing the high-five.

  • Jonas Salk (06/23)
    Cure this, college boy!

  • Warren Burger (06/25)
    Dead meat.

  • Gale Gordon (06/30)
    All that aggravation Lucy caused him finally did him in.

  • Pancho Gonzales (07/03)
    He was Andre Agassi's brother-in-law. Somebody somewhere was robbing the cradle, that's just all there is to it.

  • Eva Gabor (07/04)
    Goodbye city life!

  • Charlie Rich (07/25)
    Hey, did you happen to see that the Silver Fox died?

  • Ida Lupino (08/03)
    Isn't "lupino" Italian for werewolf?

  • Jerry Garcia (08/09)
    If there's a Hell, then Jerry's in it, and he has to listen to tape after tape after tape of that endless, noodling garbage. He's dead and we're grateful.

  • Mickey Mantle (08/13)
    It's scary to think of just how great a player he might have been if he wasn't such a drunk.

  • John Brunner (08/25)
    Johnny, we hardly knew ye. In fact, who the hell were ye?

  • Evelyn Wood (08/26)
    That slowed her down a little.

  • Sterling Morrison (08/30)
    We're afraid he's going to miss all tomorrow's parties.

  • Orville Redenbacher (09/19)
    Pop goes the weasel.

  • Kingsley Amis (10/22)
    A nice man, but useless, now that he's dead.

  • Yitzhak Rabin (11/04)
    The assassination of the Israeli Prime Minister at the hands of a young zealot — during a peace rally, no less — is yet another painful chapter in the seemingly never-ending religious conflict. Could it be that the coffee in the Middle East has entirely too much caffeine?

  • Slappy White (11/07)
    And how could we say anything bad about a guy named Slappy?

  • Louis Malle (11/23)
    Not pretty, baby.

  • Douglas "Wrong Way" Corrigan (12/09)
    Probably blames this on an instrument malfunction, too.

  • Butterfly McQueen (12/22)
    "Oh, Miss Scarlett, I don't know nothin' 'bout lightin' kerosene lamps!"

  • Dean Martin (12/25)
    When the moon hits your eye like a big fifth of rye, that's la morte.
    -1996-

  • Leon Schwab (01/04)
    Legendary Hollywood drug pusher.

  • Chubby Wise (01/06)
    Actually, he was neither.

  • Les Baxter (01/15)
    In fact, there's a lot less Baxter, now that you mention it.

  • Minnesota Fats (01/18)
    An octogenarian that goes by the name "Fats" —- how did we miss this one? It's downright embarrassing.

  • Shamus Culhane (02/02)
    Pioneering animator of Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs fame. In his later years, he came to be known as "Coughie."

  • Gene Kelly (02/02)
    Didn't anyone ever tell him if he didn't come in out of the rain he'd catch his death?

  • Audrey Meadows (02/03)
    Pow, right in the kisser.

  • Guy Madison (02/06)
    A friend of ours mourned his recent passing, saying how much he'd idolized him on Lost In Space. Touching, except that it was Guy Williams who was on Lost In Space.

  • Martin Balsam (02/13)
    You'd know him if you saw him, really you would.

  • McLean Stevenson (02/15)
    Goodbye, Larry.

  • Tommy Rettig (02/15)
    The first in a series of child-actors who played second fiddle to a dog.

  • Brownie McGhee (02/16)
    Oh, fudge, Brownie's dead.

  • Edmund G. "Pat" Brown (02/16)
    How do you get Pat out of Edmund?

  • Roger Bowen (02/16)
    He met his maker one day after McLean Stevenson met his. Must've been Bump Henry Blake Week.

  • Charlie O. Finley (02/19)
    For his part in bringing the designated hitter to Major League Baseball, may he burn in hell. Bitter? You bet we are.

  • Morton Gould (02/21)
    Modern decomposer.

  • Haing Ngor (02/25)
    He survived the killing fields of Cambodia, but they got him on the streets of L.A.

  • Marguerite Duras ()
    Maggie D was one of France's most famed and prolific writers, but she never had a TV show, so you probably never heard of her.

  • Minnie Pearl (03/04)
    The world was her oyster.

  • Whit Bissel ()
    Character actor who made a fortune in the carpet sweeper business.

  • George Burns (03/09)
    The granddaddy of 'em all, G.B. appeared on more Dead Pool lists than any other celebrity in history. We understand he was once famous for something other than being old.

  • Vince Edwards (03/11)
    Ben Casey has struck out.

  • Krzysztof Kieslowski (03/13)
    Blue. White. Red.
    Now. He's. Dead.

  • Edmund Muskie (03/26)
    He was a big fish in a little state.

  • John McSherry (04/01)
    Through the magic of videotape, he gave us solid evidence that the bigger they come, the harder they fall.

  • Greer Garson (04/06)
    Goodbye, Mrs. Chips.

  • Jimmy "The Greek" Snyder (04/21)
    Here's where we make our case for euthanasia.

  • Erma Bombeck (04/22)
    The grass is greener still in the cemetery.

  • William Colby (04/27)
    It further tests our dwindling faith in government that the former head of the CIA can't paddle a canoe without drowning.

  • Lee Mathis (05/01)
    We never heard of him either, but Julie swears he was a big soap opera star.

  • Johnny "Guitar" Watson (05/17)
    The axe has fallen.

  • Timothy Leary (05/31)
    Turned in, tuned out, dropped dead.

  • Max Factor (06/07)
    Took a powder.

  • Jo Van Fleet (06/10)
    Kate is now way east of Eden.

  • Ella Fitzgerald (06/15)
    A tisket, a tasket, they put her in a casket ....

  • Mel Allen (06/16)
    How about that?

  • Andreas Papandreou (06/23)
    As it turns out, this long-time leader was pretty cool, for a Greek.

  • Albert R. Broccoli (06/27)
    Just as well. It's awful to think of anyone spending the rest of his days as a vegetable.

  • Pamela Mason (06/29)
    Here's a weird one. She had her own TV show, and was in no fewer than four films as herself, and yet, until she died, we'd never heard of her.

  • Margaux Hemingway (07/01)
    Closet Karen Carpenter fan, right to the end.

  • Melvin Belli (07/09)
    Lawyer.

  • John Chancellor (07/12)
    Somewhere in custody.

  • Chas Chandler (07/17)
    If there's a rock 'n' roll heaven, then you know they got a hell of a band, except for the bass player.

  • Herb Edelman (07/21)
    One of the poker buddies from The Odd Couple. Stay away from the brown sandwiches.

  • Jessica Mitford (07/23)
    In 1963, she authored The American Way Of Death. So, Jessica, what took you?

  • Virginia Christine (07/24)
    It may be mountain grown, Mrs. Olsen, and that may well be the richest kind, but if you drink enough of it, it'll kill you, as we guess you're now aware.

  • Claudette Colbert (07/30)
    It happened one night in July.

  • Tom Mees (08/14)
    Excellent Swimmer? Perhaps Not.

  • Greg Morris (08/27)
    The movie version of Mission: Impossible was painful to us. Looks like it was fatal to him.

  • Bill Monroe (09/09)
    That high lonesome sound just got a little higher and a lot more lonesome.

  • Joanne Dru (09/10)
    She wore a yellow ribbon. Now she's dead.

  • Tupac Shakur (09/13)
    What's Tupac spelled backwards?

  • Juliet Prowse (09/14)
    She was the acrobatic dancer with pancreatic cancer.

  • McGeorge Bundy ()
    Just another dead politician.

  • Spiro Agnew (09/17)
    The shock of his death was universal. No one seemed to know that he was still alive.

  • Dorothy Lamour (09/22)
    She's on the road to nowhere.

  • Ted Bessell (10/06)
    That Girl's ex-boyfriend, emphasis on the x.

  • Rene Lacoste (10/12)
    See you later, alligator

  • David Viscott (10/14)
    The doctor is out.

  • Morey Amsterdam (10/28)
    That crazy nut! Always goofin' around, huh, Buddy? Buddy?

  • Marcel Carne (10/31)
    He directed Les Enfants Du Paradis, and now he's one of them.

  • Mario Savio (11/06)
    He was the heart of the Berkeley free speech movement. Well, he had heart trouble, and now he's entirely free of both speech and movement.

  • Eadie Del Rubio (12/16)
    You haven't lived until you've heard The Del Rubio Triplets' version of "El Condor Pasa."

  • Carl Sagan (12/20)
    There are billions and billions of gags we could have written about him, but they're all the same one.
    -1997-

  • Townes Van Zandt (01/01)
    This was a real loss.

  • Harry Helmsley (01/02)
    This was not.

  • Randy California (01/02)
    Fresh garbage.

  • Burton Lane (01/05)
    How are things in Glocca Morra, Burt?

  • Jesse White (01/08)
    It's a matter of social record that this two-bit never-was (best known as the original Maytag repairman) was a dick.

  • Robert Irsay (01/14)
    In a strange funeral ceremony, his body was taken out of town by a Mayflower moving van in the middle of the night.

  • Clyde Tombaugh (01/17)
    He was credited with discovering Pluto, by many accounts the most popular of the Disney characters.

  • Paul Tsongas (01/18)
    So longas.

  • James Dickey (01/19)
    One little-publicized fact about the author of Deliverance is that on the set of the movie, he kept begging to be the stand-in for Ned Beatty.

  • Curt Flood ()
    We can only hope that the Major Leaguers of today fully appreciate the enormous personal sacrifices made on their behalf by this courageous man and great ballplayer.

  • Col. Tom Parker (01/21)
    Does this mean a whole new rash of idiots who can't accept reality will report seeing this guy pumping gas?

  • Richard Berry (01/23)
    Great. Now we'll never know the words to "Louie, Louie."

  • Jeane Dixon (01/25)
    Guess she didn't see that coming.

  • Guy Raymond (01/26)
    The trouble with tribbles is that it's the only thing anyone will ever remember about this guy.

  • Richard X. Slattery (01/27)
    Slattery will get you nowhere.

  • Cecil Lewis (01/27)
    He was decorated as a World War I flying ace, won an Academy Award for his screen adaptation of Pygmalion and also wrote 19 novels, but he'll be best remembered for the endearing relationship he shared with Beany.

  • Herb Caen (02/01)
    They say he coined the term "beatnik." Now he's dead. Crazy.

  • Marjorie Reynolds (02/01)
    The end of the life of Mrs. Riley.

  • Pamela Harriman (02/05)
    She slept with a bunch of political bigwigs and ended up as the U.S. Ambassador to France. You didn't really think Madonna was breaking new ground, did you?

  • Brian Connolly (02/09)
    He got so sick of trying to tell everybody that Little Willy Willy won't go home, that he finally kicked the bucket.

  • Don Porter (02/11)
    When Gidget used to squeal "Daddy'll just die!" she didn't know how right she was. He just died.

  • Deng Xiaopeng (02/19)
    Ding dong, ding dong, Deng Xiaopeng is dead and gone.

  • Albert Shanker (02/22)
    He was a cold sore on the lip of right-wing government.

  • Tony Williams (02/23)
    He's gigging with Miles again.

  • David Doyle (02/26)
    You may remember him as that marble-mouthed loser from Charlie's Angels. Or, you may remember him as Tom Bosley, which used to really piss him off.

  • Ben Raleigh (02/26)
    This Grammy-winning songwriter burned to death in a kitchen fire, and was later cremated. Hopefully, they didn't charge full price.

  • Judi Bari (03/02)
    How much wood could a wood chick save if a wood chick didn't die of cancer?

  • The Notorious B.I.G. (03/09)
    R.I.P.

  • LaVern Baker (03/10)
    Not even Jim Dandy can get her out of this one.

  • Fred Zinnemann (03/14)
    By all accounts, his is a body of work that speaks for itself. Guess it'll have to, 'cause he's dead.

  • Willem de Kooning (03/18)
    And speaking of abstract ....

  • Tony Zale (03/20)
    He whupped Graziano twice, but he couldn't outlast those weasels Parkinson and Alzheimer.

  • Harold Melvin (03/24)
    If you don't know him by now, you will never, never, never know him.

  • Allen Ginsberg (04/05)
    Ah.

  • Jack Kent Cooke (04/06)
    Chalk up another rich old bastard on the tote board.

  • Laura Nyro (04/08)
    Rhymes with "hero," as in sandwich, something she had plenty of at that Stone Soul Picnic of hers.

  • Pat Paulsen (04/24)
    Damn. And we had finally decided we were ready to vote for him.

  • John Beal (04/26)
    Two-bit character actor, but it's been a slow month, y'know?

  • Paul Lambert (04/27)
    Ditto.

  • Mike Royko (04/29)
    Knock, knock.
    Who's there?
    Owen.
    Owen who?
    0-and-14. That's how the Cubbies started the baseball season this year. Then this guy, the so-called Heart and Soul of Chicago, suddenly kicks the bucket. Coincidence? We don't think so.

  • Alvy Moore (05/04)
    Now you're talkin'. Hank Kimball may have been little more than an annoying agriculture agent to you, but to us he was a legend. Well, not a legend, exactly. More like an old friend of the family. Well, not old, really. Hey, come to think of it, he wasn't even family. Matter of fact, he was kinda on the annoying side, now that you mention it. What was the question again?

  • Harry Blackstone, Jr. (05/14)
    Now you see him .... Now you don't.

  • Mel Bay (05/14)
    He's now in the Inner Circle of Fifths.

  • Edward Mulhare (05/24)
    He played opposite Hope Lange in The Ghost And Mrs. Muir. Guess which one he was.

  • George Fenneman (05/)
    Sooner or later, if you bet your life enough times, you're gonna lose.

  • Jeff Buckley (05/29)
    A chip off the old block.

  • Ronnie Lane (06/04)
    There are but two Small Faces left.

  • Magda Gabor ()
    Damn .... Wrong one again.

  • Richard Jaeckel (06/14)
    Guess it's character actor season over at the Hollywood Forest Lawn.

  • Brian Keith (06/24)
    Three down, two to go.

  • Jacques Cousteau (06/25)
    After a lifetime of exploration, he finally reached that most elusive mystery of the deep: Davy Jones' locker.

  • William Hickey (06/29)
    Teenagers the world over mourn the loss of this pioneer in the field of making out.

  • Robert Mitchum (07/01)
    You want tough? Mitchum made guys like Charles Bronson and Sylvester Stallone look like the Lennon Sisters.

  • Jimmy Stewart (07/02)
    He's on 70 lists .... It's a wonderful death.

  • Johnny Copeland ()
    The Texas Twister done blew hisse'f out.

  • Charles Kuralt (07/04)
    Oy, gevalt, we lost Kuralt.

  • Gianni Versace (07/15)
    That serial killer stuff is a bunch of hooey. Our underworld sources tell us that Gianni's death was really a contract killing, ordered by the heads of the Five Fashion Families to keep him from going public with the Versace Papers.

  • Eugene Shoemaker (07/18)
    Star-gazing was his life, until he got behind the wheel of a car. Shoulda kept his eyes on the road, the schmuck.

  • Andrew Cunanan ()
    Speaking of schmucks, this guy became a celebrity almost overnight. That kind of fame he needed like a hole in the head.

  • William J. Brennan, Jr. (07/24)
    The Justice is at peace.

  • Ben Hogan (07/25)
    One of the greatest golfers ever. Ugly as a two-dollar mule, but a great golfer.

  • Edith Fore (07/31)
    America's favorite old lady has fallen and failed to get up for the last time.

  • Svyatoslav Richter (08/01)
    Word is he was a mother on the keys.

  • William Burroughs (08/02)
    Possibly the longest, slowest overdose in history.

  • Fela Anikulapo-Kuti ()
    The saxophonist-singer-composer was renowned for his political clout, as well as for having hundreds of wives and girlfriends. Do you get the feeling that music is a much bigger deal over in Africa than it is here?

  • Jeanne Calment (08/04)
    She knew Vincent Van Gogh. Think about that for a minute.

  • The Real Don Steele ()
    Cancer, schmancer. You try listening to Frankie Valli every day for 30 years.

  • Rex Barney ()
    He pitched a no-hitter for the Brooklyn Dodgers, and then became the P.A. announcer in Baltimore. There's no punch line here, folks, these are just facts.

  • Luther Allison ()
    Dead blues guy.

  • Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan ()
    And the hard-partying Qawwali lifestyle claims another victim.

  • Brandon Tartikoff (08/27)
    The boy-genius who gave the world ALF. Bon voyage, B.T.

  • Dodi al Fayed (08/31)
    Dodi? What is that about?

  • Princess Diana (08/31)
    Man, does this chick know how to grab headlines or what?

  • Viktor E. Frankl (09/02)
    Having completed his search for meaning in life, he's now on the hunt for meaning in death. Good luck, Doc.

  • Hans Eysenck ()
    The author of 1965's Smoking, Health And Personality, which theorized that cancer was caused more by an underlying personality disorder than by smoking, has died of cancer.

  • Mother Teresa (09/05)
    We did a ton of research to come up with something really nasty to say about her on this page. She was a terrible poker player.

  • Georg Solti (09/05)
    A textbook case of acute vowel deficiency.

  • Derek Taylor (09/07)
    By all accounts, he was a great guy.

  • Mobutu Sese Seko (09/07)
    By all accounts, he was a guy.

  • Richie Ashburn (09/09)
    It's the highest accolade one player can give to another: he was a gamer.

  • Burgess Meredith (09/09)
    He spent all that time waddling around in a tux, yet he never won an Oscar. It doesn't seem fair, does it?

  • Red Skelton (09/17)
    Good night, and God bless.

  • Georges Guetary (9/18)
    Finally finished building that stairway to paradise.

    Roy Lichtenstein 1923-1997
  • Jimmy Witherspoon (09/18)
    Dead blues guy.

  • Roy Lichtenstein (09/29)
    A picture's worth a thousand words ....

  • Al "Jazzbeaux" Collins (9/30)
    Hey, daddy-o, like, he's gonesville, you dig?

  • Brian Pillman (10/05)
    Ordinarily, professional wrestlers don't register on our Fame-O-Meter, but the combination of the club foot and the spelling bee championship make "Flyin' Brian" special.

  • Johnny Vander Meer (10/06)
    He was on zero lists. Another no-hitter.

  • John Denver (10/12)
    Apparently, since his bags were packed and he was ready to go, he left — but, as it turns out, it was not on a jet plane, but in an experimental, two-seater, single-engine job. Still, it seems safe to say that he does not know when he'll be back again, and that babe, he hated to go.

  • Harold Robbins (10/14)
    Heavens to Betsy — or is it the other way around?

  • James Michener (10/16)
    We're gonna wash that man right out of our hair.

  • Audra Lindley (10/16)
    Forget Mrs. Roper — she's a no-hoper.

  • Nancy Dickerson (10/18)
    She was the first female news correspondent for CBS, the first female TV reporter on a national political convention floor, and the first female host of a daily network news show, and she now becomes the first significant female stiff about whom we can find nothing even remotely humorous to say.

  • Glenn Buxton (10/19)
    School's out forever.

  • Paul Jarrico (10/28)
    The lists don't come any blacker than the one he's on now.

  • Anton Szandor LaVey (10/29)
    You better look at what the news guys say, 'cause you'll never believe us. Hell, we saw the paper and we still don't believe it.

  • Samuel Fuller (10/30)
    Hats Off, kids, it's The Day Of Reckoning for The Big Red One. Put The Crimson Kimono on ol' White Dog, he's just a Dead Pigeon On Beethoven Street, a.k.a. the Street Of No Return. Yep, It Happened In Hollywood, and now The Baron Of Arizona, one of The Meanest Men In The West, has changed his address to Underworld USA. Like, Verboten!, if you catch our drift.

  • Wally Bruner ()
    As an ABC news correspondent covering the White House, Vietnam and the Dominican Republic, Bruner earned a Peabody Award nomination in 1965; by '68 he was hosting What's My Line? Is it any wonder that we never heard of him?

  • Eddie Arcaro (11/14)
    There's nothing creepier than a really old jockey. Except a really dead old jockey.

  • Michael Hutchence (11/22)
    Suicide brunet.

  • Jorge Mas Canosa ()
    No mas Canosa.

  • Robert Palmer ()
    A really bad case of loving you. Oh, wait, that's the other guy.

  • Buck Leonard (11/27)
    He was known as The Black Lou Gehrig, which still doesn't do him justice.

  • Coleman Young (11/29)
    Well, he was young once, but now he's dead.

  • Stephane Grappelli (12/01)
    Now playing solo gigs at Le Cold Club, n'est-ce pas?

  • Michael Hedges (12/03)
    That harp guitar's gonna come in handy.

  • Bob Bell (12/08)
    Nobody had this bozo.

  • Stubby Kaye (12/14)
    Nicely-Nicely's curled up his toesy-woesies. Siddown you're rockin' the boat indeed.

  • Nicolette Larson (12/16)
    It's gonna take a lot more than love to change the way things are now, baby.

  • Lillian Disney (12/16)
    As Walt's sounding board, we have her to thank that that creepy little rodent's name isn't Mortimer Mouse.

  • Chris Farley (12/18)
    Ever notice that fat and funny often seem to go hand in hand? Unfortunately, so do fat and dead.

  • Juzo Itami ()
    The little noodle-head killed himself.

  • Dawn Steel (12/20)
    The fake Don Steele.

  • Toshiro Mifune (12/24)
    Okay, so there's six samurai.

  • Denver Pyle (12/25)
    Creator of the Denver omelette, God bless him.

  • Floyd Cramer (12/31)
    His last date is over.

  • Michael Kennedy ()
    Another year, another dead Kennedy. Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen.

  • Billie Dove (12/31)
    This bird flew the coop just a few hours too early for some player named Kally.
    -1998-

  • Helen Wills Moody ()
    Game, set and match.

  • Mae Questel (01/04)
    In literally hundreds of animated films, she provided the voices for Betty Boop, Olive Oyl and Winky Dink.
    Yes, Winky Dink.

  • Sonny Bono (01/05)
    His last thought was, "Jeez, that Michael Kennedy was an idiot."

  • Owen Bradley ()
    He fell to pieces. Sweet dreams.

  • Michael Tippett ()
    Coda.

  • Junior Wells (01/15)
    Now learning to play an entirely different kind of harp.

  • Carl Perkins (01/19)
    You can go ahead and step on his blue suede shoes now, there's not much he can do about it.

  • Larry Gilbert ()
    This is one bunker he ain't gettin' out of.

  • Jack Lord (01/21)
    Cook 'im, Dano.

  • Walter D. Edmonds (01/26)
    He chronicled the very earliest days of the hardcore punk movement in his bestsellerDrums Along The Mohawk.

  • Shinichi Suzuki (01/26)
    While most Suzukis feature either a two-stroke or four-stroke engine, the violin-teacher model was apparently unable to withstand even one.

  • Joseph Alioto ()
    The old gray mayor just ain't what he used to be.

  • Falco (02/06)
    Don't turn around (oh OH oh) there's a bus coming, you idiot.

  • Carl Wilson (02/06)
    He's on safari to stay.

  • Lawrence Sanders ()
    The author of The Anderson Tapes has been erased.

  • Ernst Junger ()
    As an influential and successful warrior-author, he was heavily courted by the then-emerging Nazis, but declined to join the party. He opted instead for the more extremist, fringe groups of the time. Sounds like a fun date.

  • Bob Merrill (02/18)
    Last seen asking, "How much is that handgun in the window?"

  • Harry Caray (02/18)
    Now that's kind of sad. We were convinced that one day, while singing "Take Me Out To The Ballgame," Harry was gonna fall right out of the booth, and we wanted to see it.

  • Chuck Humphrey ()
    Somebody's gonna have to explain this whole Heaven's Gate thing to us. Yeah, it's a pretty bad movie, but it couldn't possibly be as bad as Beaches, and you almost never hear about people killing themselves over that.

  • Grandpa Jones (02/19)
    The amazing thing is that after having candied yams, butter beans, corn bread and gravy and blueberry cobbler every night for supper, he still lived to be 84.

  • Abraham Ribicoff ()
    Cross this dybbuk off.

  • Antonio Prohias ()
    He created "Spy Vs. Spy" for Mad magazine. Now we'll never know who wins.

  • Henny Youngman (02/24)
    The worst thing about losing The King of the One-Liners is that even though it's the most obvious, worn-out, dull, insipid, overused, unfunny, hackneyed, banal, pedestrian, trite (not to mention stupid) obit line imaginable, we got e-mail from about 50 of you idiots telling us that the blurb on Henny shoulda been, "Take my life .... Please." Leave this stuff to the experts, huh? Please.

  • Rockin' Sidney ()
    Apparently, somebody messed with his Toot Toot, whatever the fuck that is.

  • J.T. Walsh (02/27)
    He made his first movie in 1983, and he's been in 57 since then. No wonder he died.

  • Todd Duncan ()
    You gets a little dead and you lands right here.

  • Henry Steele Commager ()
    Some old guy.

  • Fred Friendly ()
    That's not his real name, of course. Before launching his distinguished career in broadcast journalism, he had the good sense to change it from the one he was born with, Johnny Blowitoutyourass.

  • Ray Nitschke ()
    He was one mean son-of-a-bitschke.

  • James McDougal ()
    Old McDougal bought the farm (Ee-I-Ee-I-Oh) ...

  • Lloyd Bridges (03/10)
    Looks like he picked the wrong week to stop breathing.

  • Sonny Bloch ()
    We don't have a good blurb for this guy, but he was the inspiration for something called "The Sonny Bloch Situation" (now obsolete). Don't you wish you'd found this site a long time ago?

  • Beatrice Wood ()
    The Mama of Dada bites the big dirt tostada.

  • Benjamin Spock (03/15)
    Fittingly, his final words were "Goo goo, ga ga."

  • Chris Trickle ()
    Trickle down, and Trickle out.

  • Bella Abzug (03/31)
    Her name, translated into English, means "beautiful earwig."

  • Tim Flock ()
    Good riddance to him and all the other Seagulls.

  • Rob Pilatus (04/02)
    He's probably faking this too, the drug-addict, Eurotrash weirdo.

  • Cozy Powell (04/05)
    There's a fine line between cozy and squashed flat.

  • Tammy Wynette (04/06)
    D-E-F-U-N-C-T.

  • Wendy O. Williams (04/07)
    This one's bound to send shock waves through the music industry.

  • Frederick Lenz II ()
    The author of "Surfing The Himalayas" and "Snowboarding To Nirvana" is now shooting the curl with Kurt.

  • Maurice Stans ()
    Some people called him a space cowboy.

  • Pol Pot (04/15)
    What an asshole. Not only does he slaughter a million innocent people, but now we gotta rename that damned provision again.

  • Marie-Louise Meilleur (04/16)
    Though she didn't quite make it to 118, she is survived by 4 of her 10 children, 85 grandchildren, 80 great-grandchildren, and 57 great-great-grandchildren. What a slut!

  • Linda McCartney (04/17)
    Suffice it to say that whatever enthusiasm we may have had for vegetarianism has been tempered somewhat.

  • Terry Sanford (04/18)
    A former Senator, Governor and University President who twice ran for the Democratic Presidential nomination, but you can bet that if he weren't on 59 lists, we wouldn't even be talking about him.

  • Linda Schele ()
    The noted Mayan scholar and historian, of course. Not only did we not know who she was when she was alive, but she was dead for a week before somebody finally pointed out that she was on a list. What are we, the goddamned FBI?

  • Octavio Paz (04/19)
    Not only was he Mexico's leading literary figure (which isn't saying much) but he had completely cornered the Central American market for those cute little candy dispensers.

  • James Earl Ray ()
    And STAY DOWN, you redneck bastard!

  • Christian Mortensen ()
    At 115 years, 8 months and 9 days, he was one seriously old potato.

  • Carlos Castaneda ()
    He maintained that reality is a shared way of looking at the universe which can be transcended through discipline, ritual and concentration, and that the sorcerer can see and use the energy that comprises everything. Then he died.

  • Eldridge Cleaver ()
    Beaver's estranged older brother, and the black sheep of the family, has had his soul permanently placed on ice.

  • Eddie Rabbitt (05/07)
    He was drivin' his life away, AND he loved a rainy night, which is a dangerous combination. Then he went and died of cancer. Silly Rabbitt.

  • Bebe Rebozo ()
    Hasta la vista, Bebe.

  • Alice Faye (05/09)
    Alice doesn't live anywhere anymore.

  • Marjory Stoneman Douglas (05/14)
    The ashes of this champion of the Florida Everglades will be scattered over her beloved wetlands. She'll then become one of the few people for whom the epithet "pond scum" accurately applies.

  • Karolj Seles (05/14)
    The King of the Yugoslavian tennis-Dad editorial cartoonists is toast.

  • Frank Sinatra (05/14)
    "Put a coupla pennies on Ol' Blue Eyes .... He's a goner."
    No, that's no good. We gotta do better than that. How 'bout
    "Start spreadin' the news —- he's dead."
    No, that's lame. This death is big. This death is bigger than big. It's huge. We need something really fantastic, like
    "The Chairman is as stiff as a board."
    That sucks. Dammit, we've got to think harder!
    "From Here To Eternity."
    Awful.
    "Shot down in May."
    Pathetic. Wait a sec,
    "He did it—-"
    No, no, that's worse than the Henny Youngman thing. Jesus, the pressure is killing us. Do you people have any idea what this is like? Seventy-five million of you bloodthirsty sons-of-bitches are gonna be checking into this site right here, just to see what we write about Frank, and you know what? Yeah, he was a big star and a boozer and a womanizer and a pig and everything, but we know you bastards, and you're vicious. You're gonna want us to go for the jugular on this one, and man, we just weren't ready. Yeah, yeah, we shoulda seen it coming, it's true, but, jeez, the guy's like a statue or something, you know? Somehow, we just couldn't imagine it really, actually happening. And now it's happened, and we're completely stuck. Shit. We're fucked. We've been waiting and waiting for them to plant this old fart and put us in the spotlight, and now that baby's trained right on us, and we don't know what the hell to do. Okay, hang on. We've just got to pull it together and give it our best shot. Okay. Let's take a deep breath. We can get through this. Alright. Here we go. Ready?
    "He's been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet —- and now he's a corpse."
    God, that's horrible. Sorry.

  • Montie Montana ()
    He was actually from the town of Bennington, but somehow, Vermie Vermont just didn't sound right.

  • John Derek (05/22)
    Wonder how long before Bo figures out he's gone? She's a 10, alright, but only if you're talking about her IQ.

  • Robert W. Morgan ()
    The bossest of the Boss Jocks is #8 with a bullet on Julie's hit list. That BITCH!

  • Todd Witsken ()
    He could handle the overhead lob, but not the in-the-head blob.

  • Phil Hartman (05/28)
    This is a weird one. He was a celebrity AND a Canadian, and we still liked him. Go figure.

  • Barry Goldwater (05/29)
    Bury Goldwater.

  • Junk Yard Dog ()
    What a senseless tragedy. There he was, having an innocent drink of water when WHAM! The toilet seat fell right on his head.

  • Dorothy Stickney ()
    Say what you want about ol' Stinky .... She was a star.

  • Shirley Povich ()
    He was Maury's father, and he wrote for the Washington Post for more than 70 years, but that didn't stop him from being listed in 1962's Who's Who Of American Women. This guy got around.

  • Sam Yorty ()
    The colorful former Los Angeles Mayor was known by many nicknames, but perhaps our favorite was Chickenbutt.

  • Alfred Kazin ()
    In native grounds.

  • Jeanette Nolan (06/05)
    If you've ever doubted the corrupting influence of Hollywood, consider Ms. Nolan's career. She made her film debut in 1948 as Lady Macbeth opposite Orson Welles. Two years later, she played Ma Higgins in Saddle Tramp, and by '57, she was portraying Chottsie Gubenheimer on Wagon Train. We're not making this stuff up, folks.

  • Sani Abacha ()
    What, you never heard of him? He was the Nigerian dictator who, after promising a return to democratic elections, forced all registering parties to name him as their Presidential candidate. This was a guy who knew how to dictate.

  • Leo Buscaglia ()
    Hug this, you fruitcake you.

  • Reg Smythe ()
    Time, gentlemen.

  • Al Campanis ()
    Talk about lacking the necessities, what about a functioning heart?

  • Maureen O'Sullivan (06/22)
    She managed to salvage her career by starring in A Day At The Races, right in the middle of a whole string of idiotic movies that featured her running around the jungle with a chimp and a guy in a diaper.

  • Glenn Montgomery ()
    This former defensive lineman for the Oilers and Seahawks succumbed to Lou Gehrig's disease, and was often heard to remark that he did not consider himself one of the luckiest men on the face of the Earth.

  • Robert George ()
    He was the official Santa Claus to six U.S. Presidents, with 38 Santa outfits, and a year-round Yuletide display, and yet, no one ever questioned his sanity. Then, the very day after he ho-ho-hoed his last ...

  • Virginia Guynes ()
    ... Demi's Mom kicked the bucket. Yes, Virginia, there was a Santa Claus, but now you're both dead.

  • Sid Luckman ()
    He had it all. He did it all. He ate too much kielbasa.

  • Roy Rogers (07/06)
    Happy trails to you . . .

  • A. Sterl Artley ()
    One of the social engineering geniuses behind the cryptosexist and cryptoracist Dick & Jane books has traversed to the halls of his white male ancestors.

  • Elijah Pitts ()
    From the 'I' formation, the give is to Pitts on the strong side ... not much of a hole, but he cuts back ... reverses his field ... running wide ... trying to turn the corner, but he is caught from behind and thrown for a loss.

  • Morris "Red" Badgro ()
    An NFL Hall of Famer, who also played professional baseball, and was known for having the worst b.o. in either sport.

  • Hugh Reilly ()
    What is it, girl? What's wrong? What? Pa's stopped breathing and he doesn't have a pulse? What, girl? He has virtually no brain activity and his vital signs have all dropped to zero? Huh, girl? You wanna play fetch, is that it?

  • Alan Shepard (07/21)
    The right stiff.

  • Bob McAllister (07/21)
    Does anybody here have an aardvark?

  • Robert Young (07/21)
    While the titles of the two shows he's best known for, Father Knows Best and Marcus Welby, M.D., would indicate a man of some intelligence, the truth is that behind that bemused smile lurked a complete moron.

  • Don Dunphy (07/22)
    Universally hailed as the greatest boxing announcer in history. "Left ... right ... left ... right ...." Big fucking deal.

  • Tal Farlow (07/25)
    Fart allow ...
    L.A. Art Wolf ...
    All fat row ...
    Fallow rat ...
    Sometimes when we can't think of a good blurb, we just make anagrams from the dead guy's name.
    Lola F. Wart ...
    This is one of those times.

  • Bill Tuttle (07/27)
    Yeah, it's true, his lifetime batting average was only .259, but the guy became a big spokesman after losing half his face. That's a celebrity, folks.

  • Binnie Barnes (07/29)
    Having trouble placing her? We don't see how that's possible. She, of course, played the part of Eve Floogle in 1945's It's In The Bag! Yes, Binnie, that's exactly where it is.

  • Jerome Robbins (07/29)
    This is truly a tragedy. No, not because of all that stupid dancing stuff, but this is the guy who was personally responsible for creating 22 of the original 31 flavors.

  • Buffalo Bob Smith (07/30)
    Hey, kids, what time is it!? Time to put stinky old Bob in the ground, that's what time it is.

  • Milan Kovacevic ()
    He was a former anesthesiologist and mayor of Prijedor. Not much of a celebrity by our standards, but hey, it's Serbia.

  • Shari Lewis (08/02)
    Apparently, uterine cancer can result from prolonged, direct contact with mutton.

  • Bob Starr ()
    The angels' first choice was the Angels' worst voice.

  • Jack Brickhouse ()
    The long-time Cubs' announcer came from good stock. Before their arrival at Ellis Island, his ancestors bore the proud Bavarian name of Brickshithouse.

  • Rose Blumkin ()
    A blumkin by any other name, would smell as —- wait, that's not right. Well, she's dead, anyway.

  • Jim Murray ()
    Pretty pathetic that nobody had him in any of five different games, and if you think we're gonna relax The Jim Murray Rule just 'cause he's dead, you got another think coming.

  • Phil Leeds (08/16)
    He was one of those guys who played a million bit parts on a zillion crappy TV shows, but his real claim to fame was as the dog catcher in the movie that stands as the all-time greatest source for Dead Pool candidates: Won Ton Ton, The Dog Who Saved Hollywood. Rent it tonight, and make a few lists.

  • Persis Khambatta (08/18)
    Another sacred cow bites the dust.

  • Woody Stephens ()
    It's really too bad. Such a great career, but then Woody snapped a fetlock, and had to be destroyed.

  • Andrew Rypien ()
    He went way too early.

  • E.G. Marshall (08/24)
    He didn't go early enough.

  • Jerry Clower ()
    And he went at just the right time.

  • Eddie Serrano ()
    He obtained the rights to the name Cannibal & The Headhunters, even though he didn't join the band 'til the '70s. He got what was coming to him.

  • Lewis F. Powell Jr. (08/25)
    This Nixon Supreme Court appointee belonged to whites-only organizations and kept gay sex illegal. What a dick.

  • Harold Ezell ()
    He co-authored California's infamous Proposition 187. Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.

  • Walter Benz ()
    Man, when these things break down, they really break down.

  • Leo Penn ()
    The pen may be mightier than the sword, but cancer'll kick your ass no matter what your last name is.

  • Akira Kurosawa (09/06)
    If he was such a great director, how come they never let him do any of the Godzilla movies?

  • Leonid Kinskey (09/08)
    We're no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of one little character actor don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that.

  • John Holliman (09/12)
    Car crash. End of story.

  • George Wallace (09/13)
    His soul, such as it is, is now segregated from his body forever.

  • Richard Merrell ()
    He doesn't even have one life to live anymore.

  • Johnny Adams ()
    The Tan Canary has chirped his last.

  • Red Hoff (09/17)
    He claimed to have struck out Ty Cobb once. Makes a nice story, except that he also claimed to have discovered Jupiter.

  • Deavours Nix (09/19)
    Ixnay.

  • Florence Griffith Joyner (09/21)
    Uh oh. Po' Flo Jo no go no mo'.

  • Mary Frann (09/23)
    Serves her right for trying to fill Suzanne Pleshette's girdle.

  • Betty Carter (09/26)
    Baby, it's downright freezing outside.

  • Doak Walker (09/27)
    The most recent graduate of the Sonny Bono School Of Skiing Safety.

  • Tom Bradley (09/29)
    Julie (that bitch) was unavailable for comment.

  • Denny Welch ()
    Only in America. Under the name "Eartha Quake," this 800-pound former exotic dancer gained national fame when good samaritan Jerry Springer used his obesity as a cause celebre. They had to knock over a wall to get Eartha out of his house and into a hospital. What a touching story. Of course, this was all before he pled no contest to charges that he let three young boys watch porno movies at his place. We're not making this stuff up, folks.

  • Dan Quisenberry (09/30)
    Whoops, here comes the skipper, and it looks like he's bringing the hook.

  • Korla Pandit (10/01)
    Actually, Zach met this guy once. He was like a Chihuahua in a turban.

  • Fermin Castro ()
    Apparently, ranching in El Sauzal Mexico is a pretty cutthroat business.

  • Jimmy Caesar (10/02)
    He made a name for himself as a singer and impersonator, opening for Milton Berle and Bob Hope. Okay, Mr. Hope, you're on.

  • Gene Autry (10/02)
    He ain't gettin' back in the saddle now.

  • Roddy McDowall (10/03)
    Forgive us if we wax nostalgic for a moment, but our feelings for this actor simply cannot go unspoken. There was something about his face, or maybe it was the way he spoke, that made us just want to kick his teeth in.

  • Mark Belanger ()
    For God's sake, when are the people of Baltimore going to learn to stay the hell away from Boog's Bar-B-Q?!

  • Hugh Finn (10/9)
    And who the fuck is Hugh Finn?

  • Clark Clifford (10/10)
    The colossal cosmic clock clangs out closing time for Cliffy. This clandestine, client-collecting clown has climbed into the clay and clover club. Clearly, we have closure.

  • Frankie Yankovic (10/14)
    He popularized the polka tune "In Heaven There Is No Beer," for which he should have been killed years ago.

  • Brian Babcock (10/18)
    Gymnast. If you care, you've got problems.

  • Bob Kane (11/3)
    Batman, schmatman. Every idiot on the planet wants to talk about some rich fruitcake in tights who spends all his time dressing up and running around with a little boy. Hello? This is the same guy who gave us Courageous Cat and Cool McCool. Now there's some goddamned heroes.

  • Valerie Hobson (11/13)
    Talk about bad luck. First, she's born a Brit. Then, her husband is exposed as the central figure in a big sex and security scandal, but it happens 30 years before Hard Copy, so she can't cash in. Now she's dead, and she's only on one list! What a pisser.

  • Red Holzman (11/13)
    The old give and go.

  • Stokely Carmichael (11/15)
    This leader of the American civil rights movement of the 1960s, and onetime prime minister of the Black Panthers, left the United States for Africa in 1969, taking the name Kwame Ture. In the late '70s, he moved again and began calling himself Johnny Bravo. Finally, just before his death, he retired to a nursing home in Redondo Beach, and settled on the name Gidget.

  • Weeb Ewbank (11/17)
    He once coached the Jets to a Super Bowl victory, which is akin to ... well, we don't know what it's akin to, but it's pretty fucking amazing.

  • Esther Rolle (11/17)
    Crapped out.

  • Alan Pakula (11/19)
    ... and all the president's men, couldn't put Alan together again.

  • Flip Wilson (11/25)
    He always claimed that the Devil made him do it, but in this case, the culprit was liver cancer.

  • John Stanford ()
    He kicked butt in 'Nam. He mowed 'em down in Desert Storm. Man, those Seattle school kids are tough.

  • Bob Haggart (12/2)
    Dead jazz guy.

  • Al Gore Sr. (12/6)
    The truth shall rise again, but Al won't.

  • Michael Zaslow (12/6)
    Recently starred in One Life To Live, and now provides us with substantiation of that maxim.

  • Archie Moore (12/9)
    In his amazing 27-year career, he knocked out more opponents than any other boxer (141), and was the only man to face both Rocky Marciano and Muhammad Ali. Sure, he lost this battle, but look how much softening up it took before Death could count him out.

  • Lawton Chiles (12/12)
    Appropriately, they called him "Walkin' Lawton," after he crisscrossed the state of Florida on foot during a Senate campaign. Now, just as appropriately, they call him "mulch."

  • Morris Udall (12/12)
    No Mo.

  • Lew Grade (12/12)
    In 1980, this entertainment mogul said of his $30 million flop Raise The Titanic, "It would have been cheaper to lower the Atlantic." We know what really killed him.

  • Norman Fell (12/14)
    Go boom.

  • Annette Strauss (12/14)
    She used to be the mayor of Dallas, and now she's dead, but we don't know which is worse.

  • Paddy Leahy (12/17)
    He was Ireland's version of Jack Kevorkian, claiming to have helped some 50 people to die, and swearing he would kill himself. He went to Thailand to fulfill his promise, but returned upon discovering that euthanasia is illegal there too. Then he died in his sleep. What a schmuck.

  • Mel Fisher (12/19)
    He's come full circle, from searching for sunken treasure to being sunken treasure.

  • Virginia Graham (12/22)
    Terrible loss. Great cracker.

  • Michelle Thomas (12/22)
    They're saying she died of stomach cancer, but we know better. She was Urkel's girlfriend, for crying out loud.

  • Richard Paul (12/25)
    This character actor might be best known for his portrayal of Jerry Falwell in The People Vs. Larry Flynt. Here's a case where life imitating art would be kinda cool.

  • Mike McAlary ()
    East coast columnist guy. 'Nuff said.
    -1999-

  • Jerry Quarry (01/03)
    George Foreman called him "the greatest ever boxer who never became champion." That's nice, until you're reminded that George has five boys, all named George.

  • Iron Eyes Cody (01/04)
    Crybaby. After his famous TV commercial, he was known for a time as "Rust Face."

  • Betty Lou Gerson (01/12)
    If she doesn't scare you, no evil thing will.

  • Doug Wickenheiser (01/12)
    Hockey is a very rough sport. Of course, Doug died of lung cancer, but that doesn't change the fact that hockey is a very rough sport.

  • Irene Seiberling Harrison (01/21)
    Goodnight, Irene.

  • Charles Brown (01/21)
    And Merry Christmas, Charles.

  • Susan Strasberg (01/20)
    Conspiracy theorists are already working to connect the dots between Susan (who onced played Anne Frank on Broadway), her acting coach father Lee (a known Communist and a pretty creepy little guy), her close friend and occasional lesbian partner Marilyn (who was personally murdered by JFK), and Bill Clinton.

  • Sarah Delany (01/25)
    The worms are having their say, now.

  • Lili St. Cyr (01/29)
    This legendary stripper starred in 1958's The Naked And The Dead. She just switched roles.

  • Huntz Hall (01/30)
    He ain't no kid anymore, but this is definitely a dead end.

  • Paul Mellon (02/01)
    Apparently, only one player had the foresight to pick him up and squeeze him, thereby discovering that he had gone bad.

  • Wassily Leontief (02/05)
    Winner of the 1973 Nobel Prize for Economic Science, he was known to his friends as "Stinker."

  • King Hussein (02/07)
    This pretty much ruins Nike's plans for a new line of camel-racing shoes, which were to be called Heir Jordans.

  • Bobby Troup (02/07)
    When are these young punks gonna learn that there are real consequences to driving around getting your kicks?

  • Iris Murdoch (02/08)
    We know she's not related to Rupert, but we're glad anyway. The only good Murdoch is a dead Murdoch.

  • John Ehrlichman (02/14)
    The former Nixon advisor has finally succumbed, 25 years after it was first disclosed that there was a cancer on the Presidency.

  • Buddy Knox (02/14)
    They call him a pioneer of rock 'n' roll, but if you've ever heard either of his big hits ("Party Doll" and "Hula Rock"), you know that he was just some goofball with the hiccups.

  • Noam Pitlik (02/18)
    Though unfortunately named, this actor-director had a great deal of talent, in a television sort of way.

  • Gene Siskel (02/20)
    Two thumbs down. Way down.

  • Dusty Springfield (03/02)
    When we said we needed you, you said you would always stay. It wasn't us who changed, but you, and now you've gone away. Bitch.

  • Harry Blackmun (03/04)
    Judgment day is at hand, your honor.

  • Lord Denning (03/05)
    Recognized as one of the most influential judges in the history of English common law, His Lordship was also said to have Britain's bushiest ear-hair.

  • Richard Kiley (03/05)
    He made a name for himself by singing "The Impossible Dream" on Broadway, and by fencing small appliances in the garment district.

  • Sheik Isa bin Salman Al Khalifa (03/06)
    Known around the world as the Emir of Bahrain, and to his friends as "The Royal Horndog."

  • Lowell Fulson (03/06)
    He a tramp. He country. He dead, too.

  • Stanley Kubrick (03/07)
    Or: How I Learned To Stop Boring Everybody To Tears And Just Drop Dead.

  • Joe DiMaggio (03/08)
    His 30,784-day breathing streak is over.

  • Peggy Cass (03/08)
    Another huge talent. Maybe your grandparents have some idea what she did.

  • William Wrigley (03/08)
    The 58th richest American now takes his rightful place in history as a sticky blob on the underside of capitalism's theatre seat. Ever try to get those things off after a couple days? No, you probably never even thought about it. You're one of those people that just takes that gooey sucker right out of your mouth, whenever you get tired of it, and slaps it under the nearest available piece of furniture. Hey, it's dark, why not? Never mind that some poor slob who's worried about the price of a rebuilt alternator is gonna spend a half-hour trying to chisel that melanoma-like mouthful of chemicals off without damaging the fucking wood. Ever wonder why we have carjackings, you filthy, stupid, rich pig bastard?! What's that? Another one of you thoughtless bloodsuckers blew a gasket? Well, right on, baby! Right on!!

  • Yehudi Menuhin (03/12)
    While he has long been held in high regard in classical music circles, it was not until he started recording with his backup band, The Blowfish, that Yehudi's career really got cranking.

  • Garson Kanin (03/13)
    He wrote Born Yesterday, but that was a long, long time ago.

  • Ernie Wise (03/21)
    He's the one with the short, fat, hairy legs and the pennies on his eyelids.

  • David Strickland (03/22)
    Suddenly snoozin'.

  • Cal Ripken Sr. (03/25)
    As recently as a week before he died, Cal, Jr. was heard urging his father to "walk it off."

  • Joe Williams (03/29)
    Everyday he has the blues, but maybe today, a little worse than usual.

  • Gary Morton (03/30)
    This guy was the salt of the Earth.

  • Lionel Bart (04/03)
    Consider yourself dead meat.

  • Early Wynn (04/04)
    The latest loss.

  • Red Norvo (04/06)
    Hey, whaddyaknow, that's exactly what he died from — a red norvo.

  • Brownie Mary Rathbun (04/10)
    She was a San Francisco AIDS activist who earned her nickname by handing out pot-laced baked goods to sufferers of the disease. She also went out with our PR guy for a while.

  • Jean Vander Pyl (04/10)
    The voice of Wilma Flintstone, and many other beloved characters, has died. Appropriately, her funeral procession will be passing the same house and tree every four seconds.

  • Boxcar Willie (04/12)
    It's snake eyes for Boxcar.

  • Anthony Newley (04/14)
    Start the world again. He's off.

  • Ellen Corby (04/14)
    Goodnight, Grandma.

  • Rick Rude (04/20)
    One of his fans eulogized him in an e-mail to us, which read "... he was a pretty good guy in real life, and just acted like a schmuck in the ring." Rest in peace, ravishing one.

  • Senor Wences (04/20)
    He made it to 103. Apparently, the extraordinary relationship he enjoyed with his right hand didn't hurt him any.

  • Liz Tilberis (04/20)
    She was a hugely successful fashion editor who published her memoirs under the title "No Time To Die." That, however, was last year.

  • Ralph Perk (04/21)
    Oh. Later.

  • Charles 'Buddy' Rogers (04/21)
    Way back in the Golden Age of ice cream treats, this popular actor was the original inspiration for the Nutty Buddy.

  • Roger Troutman (04/25)
    Now yielding considerably less bounce to the ounce.

  • Roman Hruska (04/25)
    According to his obituary, he was a U.S. Senator, but for some reason, we thought he was a font.

  • Al Hirt (04/27)
    Though hailed the world over as "The King of the Trumpet," it's less widely known that in his home town of New Orleans, he was called "that fat, boring guy."

  • Rory Calhoun (04/28)
    After countless Western movie roles, he played the part of Looney Tunes in the timeless classic Hell Comes To Frogtown. Truth is almost always stranger than fiction.

  • Oliver Reed (05/02)
    Oliver, Oliver, never before has a boy drunken more, you will rue the day —- hey, can you rue when you're dead?

  • Mark Tuinei (05/06)
    Tooey went blooey.

  • Leon Hess (05/07)
    Most of the Nazis who survived the war took it on the lam to South America, but somehow this guy ends up owning the Jets. We don't get it.

  • Dana Plato (05/08)
    She was on Howard Stern to try and jumpstart her career, and then ODed about 12 hours later, which seems somewhat counter-productive.

  • Dirk Bogarde (05/08)
    The star of "Death In Venice" has apparently bought it in London.

  • Shel Silverstein (05/10)
    He just went past where the sidewalk ends.

  • Gene Sarazen (05/13)
    He's credited with inventing the sand wedge. This guy was old.

  • Henry Jones (05/17)
    Something is happening, but you don't know what it is. Do you, Mr. Jones?

  • Augustos Pablo (05/18)
    Like the farmer said to the potato,
    "I must plant you now and I will dig you later."

  • Norman Rossington (05/21)
    He was in "A Hard Day's Night," and now he's sleeping like a log.

  • Owen Hart (05/23)
    The word is that he did it on purpose, as a tribute to the memory and spirit of Dinky Patterson.

  • Zachary Fisher (06/04)
    He was a noted philanthropist, which is what you do when you're really rich and really talentless.

  • Mel Torme (06/05)
    Then again, he may not. The Velvet Fog has lifted.

  • Eddie Stanky (06/06)
    And gettin' stankier.

  • DeForest Kelley (06/11)
    All together, everybody ... "He's dead, Jim!"

  • Screaming Lord Sutch (06/16)
    The erstwhile rock singer and fringe politician was what the British affectionately refer to as "an eccentric," and what we here in America call "a fucking nutcase."

  • Basil Hume (06/17)
    What's graveyard gumbo without a little Basil?

  • Bob Bullock (06/18)
    Never mind Bob Bullock, where's the next victim?

  • Prince Henri d'Orleans (6/19)
    Say a prayer for the pretender.

  • Georgios Papadopoulos (06/27)
    Cancer finally made his heart stopadopoulos.

  • Marion Motley (06/27)
    A great deal was made of the fact that Marion was one of the first black NFL players, but what about the remarkable accomplishment of a girl playing fullback?

  • Allan Carr (06/29)
    First, he brought us Grease, the musical. As if that weren't enough, he then produced Can't Stop The Music, starring The Village People. Good fucking riddance.

  • Joshua Nkomo (07/01)
    After more than 50 years in African politics, including a 12-year stint as vice president of Zimbabwe, Nkomo earned the title "Our Old Man." That's the love of the people talking, folks.

  • Forrest Mars Sr. (07/01)
    He single-handedly created the Milky Way, Snickers and 3 Musketeers bars. Shouldn't there be, like, a statue of this guy somewhere?

  • Guy Mitchell (07/01)
    He was sort of a Pat Boone kind of a guy, only not as good looking. In other words, he had no redeeming features whatsoever.

  • Sylvia Sidney (07/01)
    During her heyday in the '30s, Sylvia was said to have the saddest eyes in Hollywood. She was also famous for a brief but torrid affair with Rin Tin Tin.

  • Edward Dmytryk (07/01)
    As a member of the Hollywood 10, Dmytryk went to prison for refusing to answer questions about the Communist Party. Then he went back and named names after he got out of jail. What a yutz.

  • Mario Puzo (07/02)
    Sleeps with the fishes.

  • Mark Sandman (07/03)
    Exit Sandman.

  • Pete Conrad (07/08)
    Astronaut Conrad has slipped the surly bonds of Earth and touched the face of God by wiping out on his motorcycle.

  • James Farmer (07/09)
    Here's your Freedom Ride, pal.

  • Helen Forrest (07/11)
    These days, you can't see Miss Forrest for the trees that are growing in right on top of her.

  • John F. Kennedy Jr. (07/16)
    People magazine's Sexiest Man Who Used To Be Alive.

  • Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy (07/16)
    Authorities suspicious of foul play in this case might want to look into the activities of a poolster named Byzantium.

  • Sandra Gould (07/20)
    Serves her right, the nosy bitch.

  • King Hassan (07/23)
    He once had a birthday party where nearly 100 people died. It's good to be the king.

  • Martin Agronsky (07/25)
    The original talking head is finally freakin' dead.

  • Harry 'Sweets' Edison (07/27)
    Lights out, Edison.

  • Malachi Martin (07/27)
    From being a Jesuit priest and an associate of Pope John XXIII during the era of the Second Vatican Council, Mal made the natural vocational progression and wrote the best-selling thriller "Hostage To The Devil" in 1976. Look it up.

  • Victor Mature (08/04)
    Mature, hell, he's dead!

  • Kazuo Miyagawa (08/07)
    The great Japanese cinematographer who was affectionately referred to by Akira Kurosawa as "Needle Dick."

  • Bob Herbert (08/10)
    Creator of the Spice Girls. So, he couldn't've had this car crash, like, three years earlier?

  • Jennifer Paterson (08/10)
    Chain-smoking co-host of a cooking show called "Two Fat Ladies" which featured recipes heavy on butter and cheese. How is it possible that none of us saw this coming?

  • Lane Kirkland (08/14)
    The former head of the AFL-CIO is DOA.

  • Pee Wee Reese (08/14)
    Godspeed, Pee Wee. Thanks for the peanut butter cups.

  • Leo Castelli (08/21)
    Taking minimalism to its logical conclusion.

  • Fritz Shurmur (08/30)
    Went without a murmur.

  • Charles Lowe (09/02)
    He was the manager-husband of Carol Channing, who recently sued him for divorce. She claimed, among other things, that they had had sex a total of twice in 40 years. We've been wondering what made him do it the second time.

  • Francis Murphy (09/02)
    Night takes Bishop.

  • Alan Clark (09/05)
    Sounds like he was kind of a swinger, except for the stories of him flirting with Margaret Thatcher. Eeuuuuuuu.

  • Allen Funt (09/05)
    Smile! You're dead!

  • Catfish Hunter (09/09)
    Out of the frying pan, into the ground.

  • Ruth Roman (09/09)
    An amazingly resilient woman, she survived not only the sinking of the Andrea Doria, but also four dates with a Bonzo-era Ronald Reagan.

  • Alfredo Kraus (09/10)
    Vita e mobile, vita e mobile.

  • Charles Crichton (09/14)
    Cut! That's a wrap.

  • Frankie Vaughan (09/18)
    Sort of a poor man's Anthony Newley. How frightening is that?

  • Raisa Gorbachev (09/20)
    Kaputski.

  • George C. Scott (09/22)
    Americans love a winner. As a general rule, however, they are considerably less enamored with 250-pound masses of lifeless flesh.

  • Judith Exner (9/25)
    She may or may not have slept with JFK when he was President, but she's sure as hell sleeping with him now.

  • Kickboy Face (10/02)
    After more than 20 years of loudly calling for all the sober, uptight assholes in the world to fuck off and die, he fucked off and died.

  • Akio Morita (10/03)
    He was the co-founder of the multi-billion dollar international conglomerate Sony Corp., and its chairman for nearly 20 years. Not bad for a guy who started out running Arnold's diner on Happy Days.

  • Gorilla Monsoon (10/06)
    No, of course that wasn't his real name, but as a professional wrestler, he needed something that sounded a little more menacing than Bobby Marella.

  • Milt Jackson (10/09)
    Bad vibes.

  • Wilt Chamberlain (10/12)
    Never mind the official cause, everybody knows he fucked himself to death.

  • Marvin Wood (10/13)
    If he weren't dead.

  • Terry Gilkyson (10/15)


  • Jean Shepherd (10/16)
    Marshall McLuhan once called him "the first radio novelist." Interestingly, he once called Marshall McLuhan "a dried up old bag of shit."

  • Jack Lynch (10/20)
    As Ireland's Prime Minister, he made a promise to Northern Ireland not to stand by as violence raged. They're still waiting for Jack to put down his drink and do something.

  • Payne Stewart (10/25)
    The jet plane carrying this golfer (he was the stupid-looking one with the knickers) took off from Florida headed for Dallas, and ended up crashing into South Dakota. That, folks, is a serious slice.

  • Hoyt Axton (10/25)
    Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea.

  • Abraham Polonsky (10/26)
    Now, there's a real American. Fuck you, Kazan.

  • Charles Simons (10/26)
    He was Strom Thurmond's former law partner, which somehow raises a glimmer of hope in the eyes of millions.

  • Frank DeVol (10/27)
    Happy Kyne has met his maker, and there's no mirth in that.

  • Max Patkin (10/30)
    Goodnight, sweet prince.

  • Greg Moore (10/31)
    Drove his car into a wall at 220 miles per hour. That's a Canadian for you.

  • Walter Payton (11/01)
    Dead meatness.

  • Malcolm Marshall (11/04)
    One of the world's most accomplished and celebrated cricket players, which means he couldn't make it in a real sport.

  • Max Hunter (11/06)
    Dead as a boiled squirrel.

  • Leon Stukelj (11/08)
    The Slovenian gymnast known for creating the Stukelj Maneuver, a move later banned from international competition when overt sex acts were outlawed.

  • Lester Bowie (11/08)
    Never mind that he jumped around on stage like some kind of a goofball, David's dad could really play that horn.

  • Mabel King (11/09)
    Hey, Mama, What's Happening!? Hello?

  • Vivian Fuchs (11/11)
    It took him 99 days to cross Antarctica, and then 42 years to die of pneumonia.

  • Mary Kay Bergman (11/11)
    Blame Canada.

  • Gaby Casadesus (11/12)
    The celebrated French piano instructor who was known for her impeccable posture at the keyboard. In fact, for twelve consecutive years, she was voted Europe's Most Erect Pianist.

  • Donald Mills (11/13)
    Last surviving member of a small, yet fervent cult of deviants who promoted their bizarre agenda of perversion with such musical propaganda as "Swing It Sister," "When You Were Sweet Sixteen" and "You Always Hurt The One You Love."

  • Paul Bowles (11/18)
    Now comforted by the sheltering Earth.

  • Doug Sahm (11/18)
    He's about a goner.

  • Horst P. Horst (11/18)
    Bit D. Dust.

  • Alvin Cash (11/21)
    He's just been reunited with his original band, the Crawlers.

  • Quentin Crisp (11/21)
    Very.

  • Gene Rayburn (11/29)
    Rumor has it that his tombstone is blank.

  • Charlie Byrd (11/30)
    Dead duck.

  • Joey Adams (12/02)
    Ba-dum bum.

  • Madeline Kahn (12/03)
    It would appear that Gene Wilder, the one with the dick they call the "ovarian cancer wand," has struck again.

  • Rose Bird (12/04)
    Got the death penalty.

  • Bobby Marchan (12/05)
    There is nothing on his mind.

  • Kenny Baker (12/07)
    Baker's dozin'.

  • Shirley Hemphill (12/08)
    Wait a minute, first Mama, now Shirley — what the hell is happening!?

  • Rick Danko (12/10)
    Chest fever.

  • Franjo Tudjman (12/10)
    The final in the Eastern European Leader Derby of Death is Franjo over Vaclav by a mile.

  • Joseph Heller (12/12)
    The essence of Catch-22 is that if you are concerned enough for your safety to ask to be declared insane, then you are sane enough to go into battle. The essence of Catch-23 is that if you stop breathing, you can't write anymore.

  • Paul Cadmus (12/12)
    He was a big-deal artist who lived to 95. Guess the fumes finally got him.

  • C. Vann Woodward (12/17)
    History.

  • Rex Allen Sr. (12/17)
    Reports say that he was accidentally run over by a woman who's described as either a caretaker or a friend. Whichever it was, she wasn't very good at it.

  • Grover Washington Jr. (12/17)
    About time somebody shut him up.

  • Desmond Llewelyn (12/19)
    His car had bullet-proof glass, a fog machine and a retractable assault rifle, but no seatbelts. Very clever, Q.

  • Irving Rapper (12/20)
    Now, voyager.

  • Hank Snow (12/20)
    Didn't stick.

  • Curtis Mayfield (12/26)
    Move over, Freddie.

  • Clayton Moore (12/28)
    Hiyo, Silver, awaaaaaaay!

  • Sarah Knauss (12/30)
    Forget not famous, she's not even part of the conversation anymore.

  • Elliott Richardson (12/31)
    Wonder what it must have felt like to be replaced by that loser Robert Bork?
    -2000-

  • Elmo Zumwalt (01/02)
    Famous U.S. Navy Admiral, and later, the inspiration for an extremely popular doll, under its working title, Contaminate-Me-Elmo.

  • Nat Adderley (01/02)
    Though every bit as accomplished a musician as his brother, Julian "Cannonball" Adderly, Nat was not nearly as well-known, due in large part to his unfortunate nickname, "Fart Machine."

  • Tom Fears (01/04)
    Not anymore.

  • Don Martin (01/07)
    MAD's maddest artist drops dead.

  • Bob Crosby (01/07)
    Nebraska's Boy Governor trades his soap box in on a pine one.

  • Bob Lemon (01/11)
    She squeezed him 'til the juice ran down his leg, which normally isn't fatal, but the way she squeezed him made him fall right outta bed.

  • Bobby Phills (01/12)
    a hole in the ground.

  • Hedy Lamarr (01/19)
    Hedley!

  • Jean MacArthur (01/22)
    She will not return.

  • Don Budge (01/26)
    In 1938, he clinched the Grand Slam at Forest Hills, becoming the first ever to do it. Then last year, he crunched his Grand Am in a forest in the hills, and it became the last thing he would ever do. Advantage, tree.

  • Carl Albert (02/04)
    They called him "The Little Giant From Little Dixie." Have you any idea how close we came to having this midget as President?

  • Big Pun (02/07)
    No Pun. He's ended.

  • Doug Henning (02/07)
    Abracadabra this, you tie-dyed, buck-toothed, shaggy-headed freak.

  • Sid Abel (02/07)
    Oh, yeah? To do what?

  • Derrick Thomas (02/08)
    How could such a great defender not wear a seat belt? What an idiot.

  • Jim Varney (02/10)
    Ernest goes to mulch. Know what I mean, Vern?

  • Roger Vadim (02/11)
    And God deleted you, man.

  • Screamin' Jay Hawkins (02/12)
    That oughta put an end to that damned racket.

  • Tom Landry (02/12)
    Turns out the reason he never took off that ugly hat is 'cause it wasn't a hat, it was a tumor.

  • Oliver (02/12)
    As he himself once sang, "Fliddy gloop gloopy, nibby nobby nooby, la la la lo lo. Dabba shibby shabba, nooby abban dabba, lee lee lo lo. Dooby ooby wadda, nooby abban dabba, kicky-wicky bucket time."

  • Charles Schulz (02/12)
    You're a dead man, Charlie Schulz.

  • Ofra Haza (02/23)
    The Wailing Wall: religious sacrament, or noise pollution? On the next Ofra Haza Show.

  • Stanley Matthews (02/23)
    Black card.

  • Charles Gray (03/07)
    Here's your friggin' time warp, Professor.

  • Mack Robinson (03/12)
    You've heard of the Mack Daddy? This is who they're talking about.

  • Durward Kirby (03/15)
    Dirtward, Kirby.

  • Alex Comfort (03/26)
    The author of 1972's "The Joy Of Sex" has since experienced the relative ennui of gradually dying.

  • Ian Dury (03/27)
    Had to find out the hard way that sex and drugs and rock and roll are NOT all the brain and body need.

  • Claire Trevor (04/08)
    Her film credits included "The Last Trail," "Baby Take A Bow," "Dead End," "The Lucky Stiff," "One Mile From Heaven," "Dante's Inferno," "Stop, You're Killing Me," and her last, which was "Kiss Me Goodbye." The clues are there, folks, you just have to learn how to read 'em.

  • Larry Linville (04/10)
    So long, Ferret Face.

  • Edward Gorey (04/15)
    E is for Edward, whose heart just gave way.

  • David Merrick (04/25)
    He ended up doing alright, for the child of an English circus freak.

  • Vicki Sue Robinson (04/27)
    First she tried turning the beat around, then it was upside-down .... How about off, is that good?

  • Steve Reeves (05/01)
    As one of the first to successfully make the leap from oily, near-naked flexing and posing to oily, near-naked flexing and posing in front of a camera, Reeves paved the way for one of our greatest modern movie stars. Yes, it was Steve's ability to overcome his unfortunate voice (picture an adenoidal 7-year-old girl in mild tantrum) that inspired another world-class athlete to step onto a sound stage and into our hearts. Say a little prayer, America, for without Steve Reeves, there would be no Lou Ferrigno.

  • John O'Connor (05/03)
    Cardinal O'Connor's an ecclesiastic goner.

  • Douglas Fairbanks Jr. (05/07)
    Gunga done.

  • Bill 'The Fox' Foster (05/10)
    Grab a beer and drop your pants,
    Foster does the cancer dance,
    Good-bye, Bozo!

  • Paul Bartel (05/17)
    He gave us Death Race 2000, and then he won the damned thing.

  • Malik Sealy (05/20)
    Not that it does him any good now, but in a game situation, the other guy would probably have been called for an illegal pick.

  • Jean-Pierre Rampal (05/20)
    Played a gold flute, for cryin' out loud. Good riddance, you pansy.

  • Barbara Cartland (05/21)
    She closed her eyes dreamily and sighed, a moist and wheezy sigh of surrender, as his firm grip tightened on her ventricle, and Randy the Reaper shut that sucker down.

  • John Gielgud (05/21)
    Over the course of his career, he portrayed 9 Lords, 6 Kings, 4 Popes, 3 Prime Ministers, a couple of Saints, various military officers, Merlin the Magician, Cassius AND Julius Caesar, an orchestra conductor, a headmaster, a Marquis, and the houseboy of an idiot who's so pickled that he falls in love with Liza Minnelli. Guess that about covers it.

  • Mark Hughes (05/21)
    Drop Dead Now - Ask Me How!

  • Maurice Richard (05/27)
    Rocket failure.

  • Tex Beneke (05/30)
    Hey, Ba-Ba-Re-Bop. Tex, his-a heart stop.

  • Bob Casey (05/30)
    The former Governor and former State Senator from Pennsylvania is now a former person from Pennsylvania.

  • Johnnie Taylor (05/31)
    So, who's making love to his old lady?

  • Tito Puente (05/31)
    We've been listening to him for years. Oye como fue.

  • Hafez Assad (06/10)
    Haf Ass, for short.

  • Robert Trent Jones Sr. (06/14)
    He'll be laid to rest in the Jones family plot, which features two small approach bunkers, a water hazard on the far side of the green, and a beautiful view of the dogleg fifth.

  • Empress Nagako (06/16)
    Domo arigato, Mrs. Nagako.

  • Nancy Marchand (06/18)
    Another Soprano joins the choir invisible.

  • Vittorio Gassman (06/29)
    Outta gas, man.

  • Walter Matthau (07/01)
    He taught us that words with a K are funny, and now he is kaput.

  • Cub Koda (07/01)
    You ever seem to have one of those days where it just seems like everybody's gettin' on your case, from your teacher all the way down to your best girlfriend? Well, you know, Cub used to have 'em just about all the time. But he found a way to get out of it.

  • Meredith MacRae (07/14)
    There's a little hotel called the Shady Rest at the junction ...

  • Leslie Glass (08/04)
    This busty brunette was known for her stamina, as shown by her farewell appearance in the Coitus Maximus production of Chemo Reamo.

  • Alec Guinness (08/05)
    Sure, it's pretty good beer, but knighthood? What gives?

  • Loretta Young (08/12)
    But only if you're comparing her to, like, the redwoods.

  • Tomata du Plenty (08/20)
    Hope so, 'cause Tomata done.

  • John Holahan (08/23)
    The man who created Lucky Charms cereal will be paid a special tribute next month when General Mills unveils their new line-up of marshmallow treats: pink hearts, yellow moons, green clovers, grey tombstones. They're magically delicious!

  • Jack Nitzsche (08/25)
    Oscar-winning songwriter who also worked as a producer, arranger and keyboardist with people like The Rolling Stones, James Brown, Elvis Presley, Miles Davis, The Beach Boys, Phil Spector, Captain Beefheart, Bobby Darin, Neil Young, Randy Newman, Ike & Tina Turner, Tammy Wynette, John Lee Hooker, Barbra Streisand, The Neville Brothers, Graham Parker, Jackie DeShannon, The Monkees, Marianne Faithfull, Sonny & Cher, Buffy Sainte-Marie, Ricky Nelson, Willy DeVille, Doris Day and The Germs, so it's no surprise if you've never heard of him.

  • Paula Yates (09/17)
    This one, on the other hand, leaves a huge hole in the arts world.

  • Aurelio Rodriguez (09/23)
    Many baseball experts have long asserted that Mike Schmidt was the greatest third baseman of all-time. Well, Aurelio wasn't nearly that good.

  • Richard Mulligan (09/26)
    The star of Empty Nest fills a box.

  • Pierre Trudeau (09/28)
    Due to the weakness of the Canadian dollar, this will only count for about two-thirds of a death.

  • Reggie Kray (10/01)
    Historians and journalists alike are baffled by the notorious British gangster's final word. Just as he expired, he closed his eyes and quietly murmured, "Dinsdale."

  • Benjamin Orr (10/03)
    The bassist for The Cars has dropped his tranny.

  • Richard Farnsworth (10/06)
    The straight story is that he had terminal cancer and killed himself. You find a punch line in that.

  • David Dukes (10/09)
    Looks like Mr. McPhee is up Dawson's Creek without a paddle. Serves him right, the KKK son of a bitch.

  • Gus Hall (10/13)
    The grave they buried him in is actually shared by several people. It's a communist plot.

  • Vincent Canby (10/15)
    Not now, he can't.

  • Mel Carnahan (10/16)
    Gov·er·nor (guv´-er-ner) noun: an attachment to a machine or engine designed to control or limit its function. (e.g. Missouri's governor may need to be readjusted).

  • Julie London (10/18)
    Sadly, Julie had just begun working on a remake of her biggest hit, an updated version called "Buy Me A Liver."

  • Gwen Verdon (10/18)
    Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets. Gwen, on the other hand, is toast.

  • Steve Allen (10/30)
    Other than the Mocha Mix people, who cares?

  • Ring Lardner Jr. (11/01)
    Man, those HUAC guys ... what a bunch of idiots. They suspected Jr. of being the ringleader, but they didn't know why.

  • Jimmie Davis (11/05)
    The fact that the singing governor made it to 101 convinces us that the key to longevity is to declare someone or something to be your sunshine (preferably your only sunshine) and then to repeatedly implore to no one in particular that said sunshine not be taken away.

  • Joe C. (11/17)
    Now rocking on the Lord's glorious concert stage, and once again reunited with The Pussycats.

  • Emil Zatopek (11/21)
    There once was a fleet-footed Czech
    whose name was Emil Zatopek.
    Like a good little Pinky,
    he won at Helsinki,
    and then was too dumb to defect.

  • Lou Groza (11/29)
    "The Toe" has been tagged.

  • Gwendolyn Brooks (12/03)
    This Pulitzer Prize winning poet would surely be better known had her career not been overshadowed by her brothers, Mel, Foster, Albert, Garth, and the two who made the suits.

  • Henck Arron (12/04)
    Say goodbye to the man who led the nation of Suriname to its independence, right after he broke the all-time home run record. Hamurrin' Henck ez dedd.

  • Werner Klemperer (12/06)
    Though his Klink was more bumbling than mean,
    and Herr Klemperer stole every scene,
    he toiled underpaid,
    like the Nazi he played,
    the top sucker at Stalag 13.

  • 'Pops' Staples (12/19)
    If you don't give a heck about the man with the bible in his hand, y'all, just get out the way, and let the gentleman do his thing.

  • John Lindsay (12/19)
    Hopefully, he developed a taste for worms when he was finding out just how rotten the Big Apple could be.

  • Rob Buck (12/19)
    9,999 maniacs on the wall, 9,999 maniacs ...

  • Victor Borge (12/23)
    Anyone ever see him actually play the damned thing?

  • Billy Barty (12/23)
    Think he'll get a discount on the coffin?

  • Jason Robards (12/26)
    Nice try, old man, but we're not renaming The Carl Sagan Stipulation no matter when you check out.

  • Alan Cranston (12/31)
    Word of his passing came just 3 hours before the end of one contest and the start of another. He always was a damned troublemaker.

    -2001-

  • Ray Walston (01/01)
    Our favorite Martian has left the planet.

  • Les Brown (01/04)
    More gray.

  • William Hewlett (01/12)
    He's cleared his cache for the last time.

  • Gregory Corso (01/17)
    There once was a poet named Corso
    who had a bad gland in his torso.
    Before cancer nailed him,
    beat critics once hailed him
    as, like, Kerouac, only more so.

  • Tommie Agee (01/22)
    Tommie no agee no more.

  • Al McGuire (01/26)
    Coach McGuire demonstrates his unshakable faith in the zone defense known as "the box and one."

  • Dale Evans (02/07)
    Oh, look ... they meet again.

  • Anne Morrow Lindbergh (02/07)
    Now it can finally be revealed that Charles was nothing more than a bed-wetting coward, and "Kiss-My-Fanny" Annie did all the flying.

  • Abraham Beame (02/10)
    GOD TO MAYOR: DROP DEAD.

  • William Masters (02/16)
    Good riddance, pervo.

  • Balthus (02/18)
    Left us.

  • Eddie Mathews (02/18)
    From the hot corner to a cold, wooden box.

  • Dale Earnhardt (02/18)
    What?! No airbag!??!

  • Stanley Kramer (02/19)
    He was an old, old, old, old man.

  • Bill Rigney (02/20)
    He's with the angels now, which is very similar to being with the Angels, except the uniforms aren't as bad.

  • Harold Stassen (03/04)
    Some may see it as desperation, but after nine unsuccessful Presidential campaigns, Harold's going for the sympathy vote.

  • Glenn Hughes (03/04)
    It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A,
    until you come down with A-I-D-S.

  • Morton Downey Jr. (03/12)
    Maybe those skinheads finally got him ....

  • Ann Sothern (03/15)
    My mother the corpse.

  • Papa John Phillips (03/18)
    Now he's in the ground, and his eyes are gray.

  • Norma Macmillan (03/21)
    The voice of Sweet Polly Purebread is toast.

  • William Hanna (03/22)
    Billy's got it better than a millionaire;
    that's because he isn't even vaguely aware.

  • Ed 'Big Daddy' Roth (04/04)
    Rat Fink Lives!
    Ed, on the other hand, does not.

  • Brother Theodore (04/05)
    Legend has it that he bought his way out of Dachau and was brought to the U.S. with the help of Albert Einstein. Hey, even geniuses make mistakes.

  • Willie Stargell (04/09)
    He's still cooler than Mark McGwire will ever be.

  • Harry Secombe (04/11)
    Goon, but not forgotten.

  • Joey Ramone (04/15)
    Sedated enough for ya, Joey?

  • Happy Hairston (05/01)
    His given name was Harold, and he's now known as "Somewhat Less Than Thrilled" Hairston.

  • Billy Higgins (05/03)
    He's doing that real slow shuffle.

  • Boozoo Chavis (05/05)
    Best known for the '54 classic "Paper In My Shoe," and now working on the follow-up, "Dirt On My Head."

  • Cliff Hillegass (05/05)
    He was born. He created Cliffs Notes. He died.

  • Douglas Adams (05/11)
    So long, and thanks for all the fish.

  • Perry Como (05/12)
    How can they tell?

  • Simon Raven (05/12)
    Nevermore.

  • Top Jimmy (05/13)
    Cooked.

  • Jason Miller (05/13)
    Exorcise this, punk!

  • Whitman Mayo (05/22)
    Here's proof that appearances can be deceiving. On Sanford And Son, he looked like a complete idiot, and yet, there's that clinic ....

  • Victor Kiam (05/27)
    This is the guy who liked Remington shavers so much, he bought the company. Of course, he also bought the Patriots.

  • Arlene Francis (05/31)
    Is she buried in a breadbox?

  • Hank Ketcham (06/01)
    He based his world-famous comic strip on the antics of his real-life son, who remains a menace long after changing his surname to Rodman.

  • Imogene Coca (06/02)
    It's about time.

  • Anthony Quinn (06/03)
    He was reported to have fathered at least 13 children, the last at age 81. Can I get some help from the congregation?
    Come on without ... come on within ...
    You'll not see nothin' like the mighty Quinn.

  • John Hartford (06/04)
    O brother, where art thou?

  • Timothy McVeigh (06/11)
    Until his execution, he was officially recognized as the Most Universally Despised Human (MUDH), a position previously held by O.J. Simpson and Saddam Hussein.
    Hmmmm ... wonder who it is now ....

  • John Lee Hooker (06/21)
    Boom, boom, boom, thud.

  • Carroll O'Connor (06/21)
    Bun·ker (bung´-ker) noun: a shelter, usually underground.

  • Tove Jansson (06/27)
    Moominsnoozer.

  • Jack Lemmon (06/27)
    Lemmon drops.

  • Mortimer Adler (06/28)
    Eventually, he would be known as the world's highest-paid philosopher, but Mort got his start as the guy in the Bazooka Joe comics with the turtleneck over his face. No, really.

  • Chet Atkins (06/30)
    Finger-pickin' dead.

  • Mordecai Richler (07/02)
    As the author of the novel "The Apprenticeship Of Duddy Kravitz," he can bear only the smallest fraction of responsibility for the career of Richard Dreyfuss. Still, it's enough for us to say "Good riddance, you yutz."

  • Ernie K-Doe (07/05)
    The self-proclaimed Emperor of the World joins his mother-in-law down below. Burn, K-Doe, burn.

  • Fred Neil (07/07)
    Everybody's talkin' at him, but he can't hear a word they're sayin'.

  • Katharine Graham (07/17)
    Looks like she got her tit caught in that big, fat wringer.

  • Mimi Farina (07/18)
    Never mind the bread — just bring the roses.

  • Gunther Gebel-Williams (07/19)
    Hello!? Marketing — ever hear of it? If he'd just called himself "Jungle Jesus," or "Bomba," or something, instead of Gunther Gebel-Williams, he'd have been a fucking billionaire.
    Idiot.

  • Frances Horwich (07/22)
    Ding dong, Horwich is dead.

  • Eudora Welty (07/23)
    Undeliverable. The authoress has permanent fatal errors.

  • Ron Townson (08/02)
    One less man to pick up after.

  • Christopher Hewett (08/03)
    That will be all, Belvedere.

  • Lorenzo Music (08/04)
    Hello, this is Carlton, your doornail.

  • Maureen Reagan (08/08)
    Ol' Shit-for-brains is going to be the last one left, isn't he?

  • Lou Boudreau (08/10)
    He be dead.

  • Earl Anthony (08/14)
    Square Earl has picked up his last split.

  • Betty Everett (08/19)
    Shoop, shoop, shoop, shoop, shoop, shoop, shoop, she's in the ground (that's where she is).

  • Jane Greer (08/24)
    Out of the present.

  • Aaliyah (08/25)
    If at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again, unless you happen to have been in a Cessna, in which case, never mind.

  • Christiaan Barnard (09/02)
    The internationally renowned heart specialist, famed for performing the first successful heart transplant, died of an asthma attack, thereby negating any opportunity for a worthwhile blurb. Thoughtless bastard.

  • Troy Donahue (09/02)
    His new exchange? Turfside 6.

  • Pauline Kael (09/03)
    Flopping around on her four-poster bed like a trout in a rowboat, she finally kicked the proverbial bucket, going tits-up with all the panache and sophistication of a can of yams.

  • Hank The Angry Drunken Dwarf (09/04)
    He had the body of a dwarf, but the talent of a midget.

  • Justin Wilson (09/06)
    He daid, lahk a boiled squirrel, we gair-awn-tee!

  • Dorothy McGuire (09/13)
    A tree grows in Brooklyn, and an actress dies in L.A.

  • Fred De Cordova (09/15)
    How dead is he?

  • Samuel Z. Arkoff (09/16)
    Tonight's feature, "How To Stuff A Pine Bikini," or, "The Day The B-Movie Producer's Heart Stood Still."

  • Isaac Stern (09/22)
    Nighty-night, fiddle boy.

  • Lani O'Grady (09/25)
    Looks like seven's gonna have to be enough.

  • Mike Mansfield (10/05)
    And with the Eight Is Enough reunion no longer a possibility, Mike throws in the towel.

  • Emilie Schindler (10/05)
    Cross her off the list.

  • Herblock (10/07)
    Deaduck.

  • Herbert Ross (10/09)
    He directed The Sunshine Boys in '75, and Footloose in '84.
    What the hell happened in between there?

  • Ken Kesey (11/10)
    One flew east, one flew west, and one succumbed to liver cancer.

  • Mary Kay Ash (11/22)
    Well, pretty much, yeah.

  • O.C. Smith (11/23)
    Just for your information, O.C., God DID make the little green apples, it rains in Indianapolis all the fucking time, and you're dead.

  • Bo Belinsky (11/23)
    While others like to point out that Bo threw the West Coast's first major league no-hitter in '62, we think the most impressive accomplishment of his rookie season was the four-bagger of Ann-Margret, Connie Stevens, Tina Louise and Mamie Van Doren. Talk about your role models ....

  • John Knowles (11/29)
    A separated piece.

  • George Harrison (11/29)
    All things must pass.

  • Rufus Thomas (12/15)
    He continues his seemingly endless string of R&B dance classics with "The Extra-Funky Chicken."

  • Stuart Adamson (12/17)
    He couldn't stay here with every single hope he had shattered.

  • Foster Brooks (12/20)
    No need to embalm this one.

  • Dick Schaap (12/21)
    This means that without Vitale, ESPN would be completely Dickless.

  • Lance Loud (12/23)
    An American fatality.

  • Harvey Martin (12/24)
    Personal foul .... Roughing the pancreas .... Defense, #79 ....

  • Nigel Hawthorne (12/26)
    Don't bother making plans for Nigel.

  • Eileen Heckart (12/31)
    Butterflies are free ... and so is she.

  • Julia Phillips (12/31)
    She'll never have lunch on this planet again.

    -2002-

  • Esquivel (01/03)
    What the hell was the deal with this fruitcake?

  • Avery Schreiber (01/07)
    Crunch.

  • Dave Thomas (01/08)
    Now comes with flies.

  • Cyrus Vance (01/12)
    This savvy statesman held a variety of jobs in Washington before resigning as Jimmy Carter's Secretary of State when it was learned he'd been supplying cocaine and Quaaludes to little Amy.

  • Frank Shuster (01/13)
    Canadian.

  • Ted Demme (01/13)
    Blew.

  • Carrie Hamilton (01/20)
    Seems she just got started, and before you know it ....

  • Peggy Lee (01/21)
    That answer your question, lady?

  • Stanley Marcus (01/22)
    And take that bastard Nieman with you!

  • Astrid Lindgren (01/28)
    Pippi stops talking.

  • Dick 'Night Train' Lane (01/29)
    Derailed.

  • Princess Margaret (02/09)
    Maggie rhymes with "baggie."

  • Dave Van Ronk (02/10)
    He was a friend of ours.

  • Waylon Jennings (02/13)
    Mammas, don't let your babies grow up to be coke addicts.

  • Howard K. Smith (02/15)
    Look for Events Immediately Following My Life: The Death Of A Twentieth-Century Reporter, out now in paperback.

  • John Thaw (02/21)
    He's on ice.

  • Willie Thrower (02/21)
    He was the NFL's first African-American quarterback, which makes him almost as culturally significant as his well-known cousin, Spear Chucker.

  • Chuck Jones (02/23)
    That's All Folks!

  • Arthur Lyman (02/24)
    His yellow bird has flown.

  • Spike Milligan (02/27)
    On his way to Lewisham.

  • Irene Worth (03/10)
    A lot less than she used to be.

  • Rosetta Le Noire (03/17)
    The dreaded Curse of Urkel strikes again.

  • Herman Talmadge (03/21)
    Politician.

  • Dudley Moore (03/27)
    Caught between the moon and New York City, whatever the fuck that means.

  • Milton Berle (03/27)
    Rumor has it his coffin features a sidecar.

  • Billy Wilder (03/27)
    Maybe it's just us, but there's something really creepy about a guy this old who still calls himself Billy.

  • Speedy Keen (03/29)
    There's something in the air, alright, and it's coming from the corpse of the drummer for Thunderclap Newman.

  • The Queen Mother (03/30)
    When she finally died, she was 101 ... proof!

  • Layne Staley (04/05)
    Man in a box.

  • Byron White (04/15)
    The former Supreme Court justice was nicknamed "Whizzer" due to his amusing penchant for urinating out of moving cars.

  • Robert Urich (04/16)
    Adio$, Dan.

  • Thor Heyerdahl (04/18)
    After a lifetime of bold research and daring exploration, including crossing both the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans on rafts made out of twigs and fucking reeds, he died of boredom.

  • Linda Lovelace (04/22)
    This was a real blow.

  • Lisa 'Left Eye' Lopes (04/25)
    Scrub.

  • Otis Blackwell (05/06)
    After complaining of a variety of symptoms, including that his hands were shaky, his knees were weak, he was itching like a man on a fuzzy tree, he had fever in the morning, fever all through the night, and, finally, that he was breathless, he was returned to sender, address unknown. No such person. No such zone.

  • Joe Bonnano (05/11)
    Yes, we have no Joey Bananas today.

  • Dave Berg (05/16)
    Have a look at the darker side, Dave.

  • Stephen Jay Gould (05/20)
    Fuckin' smartypants.

  • Jerry Dunphy (05/20)
    From the desert to the sea, to all of Southern California, a good riddance.

  • Sam Snead (05/23)
    Too many strokes.

  • Lew Wasserman (06/03)
    The former CEO of MCA was DOA.

  • Dee Dee Ramone (06/05)
    Dee Dee ODed.

  • John Gotti (06/10)
    Towards the end, they called him the Diaper Don.

  • Bill Blass (06/12)
    Sophisticated, debonair, discerning, suave, distinctive, stylish and dead.

  • Jack Buck (06/18)
    Stopped here.

  • Darryl Kile (06/22)
    They say he had one of the best curveballs in the game, but it looks like the cosmic closer just threw him a doozy.

  • Ann Landers (06/22)
    Dear Readers,

    I've had it. After 50 years of saying "Take your head out of your ass" in a million different ways, I'm throwing in the towel. Figure out your own stupid little problems from now on.

    -Lifeless on Lake Shore

  • John Entwistle (06/27)
    He won't get fooled again.

  • Rosemary Clooney (06/29)
    Listen ... you can almost hear her sing ... 'Come on-a my hearse, a-my-y hearse, I'm gonna give-a you cancer ....'

  • Pete Gray (06/30)
    He already had one arm in the grave.

  • Ray Brown (07/02)
    Meanwhile, over in Legendary Bass Player Land, the thinning of the herd continues.

  • Ted Williams (07/05)
    Man, he sure had a sweet stroke. In fact, he had a couple of strokes, if we're not mistaken.

  • John Frankenheimer (07/06)
    His full name was John Jacob Frankenheimer-Schmidt (da-da da da da-da da).

  • Rod Steiger (07/09)
    Looks like Charley's got a one-way ticket to Palookaville.

  • Yousuf Karsh (07/13)
    Still life.

  • Alan Lomax (07/19)
    He was a trailblazer and a true pioneer in the early development of the art of exploiting musicians.

  • Leo McKern (07/23)
    The fifth Be-attle.

  • Chaim Potok (07/23)
    Chosen, schmosen, now you're dead!

  • Darrell Porter (08/05)
    Baseball's cosmic closer has once again struck out the wrong Darrell.

  • Chick Hearn (08/05)
    The door's closed, the lights are out, his eggs are cooling, his extremities are gettin' hard - this one's in the refrigerator, folks.

  • Michael Houser (08/10)
    Widespread cancer.

  • Enos Slaughter (08/12)
    Time relentlessly changes all, including our heroes and the way we perceive them, and so, perhaps it's no surprise that these days, you almost never hear fans chant the familiar, sing-song cry "There's no penis hotter than ol' Enos Slaughter."

  • Kyle Rote (08/14)
    That's all Kyle wrote.

  • John Roseboro (08/16)
    Are you happy now, Marichal, you PSYCHO BITCH?!?!

  • Abu Nidal (08/16)
    They say he was a terrorist mastermind and leader of the Fatah Revolutionary Council, but we'll always remember him as the lovable convenience store clerk from The Simpsons.

  • Hoyt Wilhelm (08/23)
    Apparently, the cosmic closer also throws a knuckleball.

  • Lionel Hampton (08/31)
    Flying home.

  • Johnny Unitas (09/11)
    Got heartattackitis.

  • Kim Hunter (09/11)
    STELLA!

  • LaWanda Page (09/14)
    What an ugly way to go.

  • James Gregory (09/16)
    I tell you, Barn, it's gonna be good to see ol' Brownie and Kleiner and Foster again - hey, do me a favor, wouldja? Tell Wojo and Fish and the rest of the boys back at the ol' One-Two that a certain Inspector Franklin D. Luger'll be puttin' in a good word for 'em with the big guy upstairs . . . y'know, just in case. Ten-Four, Barn. Over and out.

  • Bob Hayes (09/18)
    The bullet bites it.

  • Angelo Buono (09/21)
    Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.

  • Whitney Blake (09/28)
    Hello?

    Yeah, what?

    Yeah, she was the mom on Hazel, uh-huh, so what?

    What do you mean, "that's golden" ...?
    That's not golden, that's dog shit.

    No, we don't remember her, and we don't care, and neither does anybody else, so just forget about it.

    Yeah, same to you.

    Hazel . . . . What the fuck are we supposed to do with that?

  • Walter Annenberg (10/01)
    His final donation to the public good.

  • Bruce Paltrow (10/03)
    Y'know, he fired the Commissioner once. Arrivederci, dickhead.

  • Teresa Graves (10/10)
    They got Christie Love.

  • Ray Conniff (10/12)
    'Smeaningless.

  • Stephen Ambrose (10/13)
    History.

  • Bashful Brother Oswald (10/17)
    The other brother, Lee Harvey, was not so bashful.

  • Kam Fong (10/18)
    Mahalo, Chin. Mahalo.

  • Paul Wellstone (10/25)
    Sorry for the delay. Couldn't find anything funny here. Except maybe Walter Mondale.

  • Richard Harris (10/25)
    A man called toast.

  • Jam Master Jay (10/30)
    It's like that.

  • Lonnie Donegan (11/03)
    Rapidly losing his flavor.

  • Jonathan Harris (11/03)
    Remember that idiot Dr. Smith from Lost In Space?
    No?

  • Billy Mitchell (11/05)
    The former lead singer for the Clovers has expired, and despite his claims to the contrary, we suspect that considerably more than one mint julep was the cause of it all.

  • Johnny Griffith (11/10)
    Here's another musician (keyboards) who claims to have played on every single Motown record from the '60s and '70s, and that for all of those sessions, he was paid a total of $80. Aren't there, like, a bunch of these guys now?

  • Abba Eban (11/17)
    Funny, he didn't look Swedish ....

  • James Coburn (11/18)
    Out like Flint.

  • Dave McNally (12/01)
    He's off the map.

  • Glenn Quinn (12/03)
    Worshipped by millions for his mesmerizing performance as the conniving Jeff in 1998's blockbuster "Some Girl."

  • Roone Arledge (12/05)
    The human drama of athletic competition gives way to the crude aroma of a man’s decomposition.

  • Zal Yanovsky (12/13)
    The back of his neck is getting dirty and gritty.

  • Joe Strummer (12/22)
    Apparently, the question has finally been answered, and it's been decided that, rather than staying, he should go now.

  • George Roy Hill (12/27)
    Stung.

    -2003-

  • Sydney Omarr (01/02)
    Do you suppose President and Nancy Reagan would have been quite so taken with the Astrologer To The Stars if they'd known his real name was Sidney Kimmelman?

  • Sid Gillman (01/03)
    This Hall of Fame coach was said to have one of the most brilliant minds in football, which puts his IQ at almost 100.

  • Jean Kerr (01/05)
    Please don't eat the daisies she's pushing up.

  • Maurice Gibb (01/12)
    How can you mend this broken man?

  • Richard Crenna (01/17)
    How can a loser ever win?

  • Al Hirschfeld (01/20)
    The end of the Line King.

  • Bill Mauldin (01/22)
    Looks like his inkwell has dried up, too.

  • Nell Carter (01/23)
    Ain't respiratin'.

  • Mongo Santamaria (02/01)
    Mongo was only pawn ... in game of life.

  • Ron Ziegler (02/10)
    His third-rate heart has become inoperative.

  • Walt Rostow (02/13)
    He was hailed as one of JFK's Best and Brightest, and was also one of the chief architects of America's involvement in Vietnam. Something just doesn't add up.

  • Stacy Keach Sr. (02/13)
    Famous for developing, producing and directing radio's "Tales Of The Texas Rangers," and for having a kid with a hare-lip.

  • Johnny Longden (02/14)
    Of course, the papers failed to mention that he lost 26,381 times.

  • Johnny PayCheck (02/18)
    The Big Bank In The Sky has issued a stop payment.

  • Tom Glazer (02/21)
    The man who wrote "On Top Of Old Smoky" is all covered with dirt.

  • Fred Rogers (02/27)
    There goes the neighborhood.

  • Hank Ballard (03/02)
    Hey, now, hey, now, hey, now, hey, now,
    it's singer (drop) droppin' time ...

  • Howard Fast (03/11)
    Actually, Howard not moving at all.

  • Joseph Coors (03/15)
    Described by his own brother as "a little bit right of Attila the Hun," this third-generation brewing tycoon barred trade unions, fixed prices, and gave this country the affliction known as James Watt. Also, the beer sucks.

  • Daniel Patrick Moynihan (03/26)
    Necro-conservative, or necro-liberal ...?

  • Edwin Starr (03/31)
    What is he good for? Absolutely nothin' (say it again).

  • Homer Banks (04/04)
    He can't stand up for falling down.

  • Little Eva (04/10)
    There's never been a dance that's so easy to do.

  • Robert Atkins (04/17)
    His high-protein, low-carbohydrate approach to weight loss differed radically from the conventional wisdom of the medical establishment, and was widely criticized as risky. Nevertheless, Atkins steadfastly maintained that his dietary recommendations would lead to nothing more dangerous than a diminished sense of balance. He died of injuries sustained when he fell and hit his head on the sidewalk.

  • J. Paul Getty (04/17)
    See you later, Junior. Thanks for the art.

  • Earl King (04/17)
    They done put him in a trick bag.

  • Cholly Atkins (04/19)
    Funk getting ready to roll!

  • Nina Simone (04/21)
    Oh, what a lovely precious dream,
    to be young, gifted and black,
    and not dead yet.

  • Felice Bryant (04/22)
    She's through with romance, she's through with love,
    She's through with countin' the stars above,
    And here's the reason that she's so free,
    Boudleaux's old lady has ceased to be ....

  • Noel Redding (05/12)
    Are you expendable? Haven't you always been expendable?

  • Dave DeBusschere (05/14)
    DeCeased.

  • Robert Stack (05/14)
    The unsolvable mystery here is how this hunk of wood kept getting work. The guy was like a marionette, for Chris'sakes.

  • June Carter Cash (05/15)
    We heard that she fell into a burning ring of fire, which sounds like a pretty rough way to go.

  • Freddie Blassie (06/02)
    There once was a wrestler named Blassie
    Who was big and blond, sweaty and sassy
    Screaming week after week
    About pencil-necked geeks
    Naturally, he became known as "Classy."

  • Shooby Taylor (06/04)
    Blacks ... let's not forget where we came from. Let's learn to love and respect each other. Shooby Taylor.

  • David Brinkley (06/11)
    Good night, David.

  • Gregory Peck (06/12)
    Atticus finished.

  • Hume Cronyn (06/15)
    He's been ex-Humed.

  • Larry Doby (06/18)
    The first name in noise reduction does it again.

  • Bob Stump (06/20)
    The Congressman (R-AZ) holds a special place in our hearts for his announcement from the House floor on June 5, 1998 that Bob Hope had died. You always were a schmuck, Stumpy, but thanks for the traffic.

  • Leon Uris (06/21)
    Exodus.

  • Lester Maddox (06/25)
    Georgia's irrepressible segregationist, who defied the 1964 Civil Rights Act by chasing three black students from his restaurant with a gun. Given twenty days to desegregate, Maddox chose instead to close and sell the place, for which they made him Governor. Later, after his political career waned, he attempted to update his image by launching a nightclub comedy act with a black ex-con he had pardoned while in office. They were billed as "The Governor and the Dishwasher." We're not making this up.

  • Denis Thatcher (06/26)
    Close, but no cigar.

  • Strom Thurmond (06/26)
    Cigar.

  • Katharine Hepburn (06/29)
    Death could've put the whammy on her a long time ago, if she'd just held still for a second.

  • Buddy Hackett (06/30)
    His best friend was a fucking Volkswagen, okay?

  • Herbie Mann (07/01)
    Hey, speak of the Beetle ....

  • N!xau (07/01)
    Meanwhile, the relentless Hollywood fame machine chews up, spits out, and throws away another dreamer. The gods must be completely out of their friggin' minds.

  • Barry White (07/04)
    As we suspected, his love was NOT unlimited.

  • Buddy Ebsen (07/06)
    Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named Bud,
    Ninety-five and happy as a hog in the mud,
    And then one day, he was chewin' on some food,
    And in through the door come The Adios Dude.
    Death, that is ...
    Black Knight ...
    Mr. D ....

    Well, the first thing you know, Bud's cryin' like a girl,
    Death said, "You're the biggest pussy in the world."
    Said, "Purgatory is the place you ought to be,"
    So he pulled out his plug, and Buddy drew a Z.
    Died, that is ...
    Screwed the pooch ...
    Bought the farm ....

    Won't come back, now ... y'hea'?

  • Benny Carter (07/12)
    The King is dead. Long live the King.

  • Tex Schramm (07/15)
    Maybe he was funny-lookin' ... but he made the best damned oil filters this country's ever seen.

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